Derby Army: Week One Hustings

Derby Hall has kicked off Week One Hustings to a great start. Our side-burned Derby fresher, Elliot Johnson, tells us what happened outside the infamous Matlock Block.

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The Derby Army were out in force to witness the annual ordeal that is Week One Hustings. With the maddest nights out, and some of the greatest people, Derby Hall is one of the more wacky, more diverse and greatest Hall to be in.

As with all hustings, no one is forced into doing any of these things, but many were willing to poke fun at themselves and spread the Derby Hall pride.

The new Week One Exec, keen to make the selection process more democratic and fair, have now introduced online voting. The days of ballot-stuffing and BNOCcracy is long gone; this is a great way to make sure that people do not feel discouraged from taking part.

Derby Hall, built by kiwi Brian O’Rorke in 1963

The candidates all turned up, like gladiators to the Derby Army Colosseum, in fancy dress outside Matlock House at 2pm. The runners of the show were our great Week One Reps who have showed us, over the year, how to live up to the Derby Hall name. All four of our Reps had set out a number of challenges which made the candidates quake in their boots.

Those who are about to die in the name of Derby Hall, we salute you.

The first round was an individual talent competition for the candidates, with a variety of acts including rapping, the cinnamon challenge and eating a whole chilli. Great fun to watch. Particular praise goes to James Tilby-Jones and Paula Bueno for their excellent poetry and singing about how great Derby Hall is.

But the most scary and most memorable of all these ‘talents’ was Fraser Bissett’s. Fraser, who admits to being a ‘Big Twat In Derby’, decided on a lap dance on Callum (one of last year’s Week Ones reps) wearing only a Mankini.

Next it was on to team games. Split up into two teams of Coffee and Cake, the candidates set about eating onions and chillies in the quickest time. This was subsequently followed by making a coffee or cake over each candidate. Egg, flour and sugar was thrown about until all the candidates were covered. They looked lovely.

The candidates being made into a ‘coffee’

They finished off with a grand finale, a ‘bath’ to clean themselves up. A paddling pool was filled with water, baked beans, coleslaw amongst other unmentionable fluids that form the Devil’s own spring water. Each one of the candidates had to dive into Aquae Hades to retrieve a little plastic counter with their teeth. There was much splashing and quite a disgusting smell was evoked.

The candidates looked most appealing after their ‘bath’.

The winners of all this madness:

Niall Waring

Polly Norris

Amy Nguyen

Fraser Bissett