Addicted to Porn

I am not here to defend my addiction and I am not here to pass a comment on pornography; I’ll leave that up to you.

Instead, I just want to tell you what it’s like to be addicted to such a toxic thing. For many who cope with addictions, this confession will probably be relatable, for the others, I hope you take something away from this.

To begin, I want to clarify that I have no experience of being a smoker or on drugs. I have never touched either. However, I can imagine that in a minor way things can be similar.

Addiction is an odd word and I haven’t got an addiction in the way girls can be ‘addicted’ to Ryan Gosling or Ben and Jerry’s. Instead, simply put: I cannot remember a day without porn…

Not quite like this… requires a bit less clothing

I will become frustrated, irritable and nasty without porn at least 3 times a day. My day will stop and the world is dead to me until I can get that release.

There have been days where literally all I do is watch porn. No matter where I am or what time of day it is, I have to have my fill.

Now some of you, mainly guys, may think this isn’t as big a problem as it sounds. Well you are sorely mistaken. I’ve had to stop going to Hallward for course work because a day in there becomes far too frustrating.  In fact exams and course work are the worst times because being locked in a room makes everything just too easy.

There has been many close shaves, but please don’t mistake me for the perve who does it in lectures or Hallward toilets. I haven’t at all, and that is a step way too far but I’d be lying to you if I said it hasn’t crossed my mind. Though, I have had to disappear to the toilets in restaurants and use my phone.

I’ve had to take days off because like I said earlier, I cannot leave the computer…. I have to just keep going. The real tip of the iceberg moment for me came when I had to pull over into a service station on the way home and get out my phone.

I first realized I was addicted when the usual sexual experiences weren’t enough. However, can you blame me?

In a world where the most beautiful girl you’ll probably ever see has it off with another girl of equal beauty, it just doesn’t compare.  Plus it’s all at the tip of my fingers. Just a few words into Google and satisfaction is mine. There is literally nothing stopping me.

Just a click away….

Many of you girls probably think I am some idiot who objectifies women, and guys, you probably see me as some tool who can’t get any. However, you’re wrong. I don’t struggle with the opposite sex, it’s just not enough. I’m not swimming in sex, but at the same time I don’t go celibate.

I have tried to stop. I’ve done everything from giving it up for lent to pulling the plug on the internet connection but it is just too much of a struggle day in and day out to fight the urge. Never the less there are worst things to be addicted too, surely?

I do however recognize that I have a massive problem and it’s one I am determined to fight harder. In the meantime, I hope this helps you understand what effect addiction can have…

Can you relate? What are your opinions of porn? How often do you watch?

If you think your addicted to anything please get in touch at [email protected], we’d love to here from you