Fuck Grad Schemes I’m getting a puppy!

Jane Minton explains why we should give grad schemes the finger and pursue what makes us happy.

University is probably one of the biggest challenges we have faced in our lives so far. Students may have a bad reputation for constant partying and dicking about, but we do work hard too.

To be honest, if you actually give a crap about your degree, partying should be a distant memory gathering dust in the corner of your mind. If you’re not spending 40 hours a week in Hallward and staring blankly at your ceiling every night worrying about deadlines, then Daddy must already have a desk with your name on it at the family business.

Your average third year

To add to the shitstorm, we are also expected to be applying for as many grad schemes and internships as possible to ensure we won’t spend the remainder of our lives on the dole. Basically, final year is just an infinite series of worries that makes all the hard work you’ve done so far seem pointless.

So fuck uni, I’m going to buy a puppy.

Puppies don’t judge you if you are barely scraping a 2:1. They don’t care if you don’t manage to achieve your childhood dream of becoming a high-flying journalist, or CEO of Awesome Inc. Puppies are merely impressed that you can walk upright and have the ability to throw a stick.

I am sick and tired of this endless stream of expectation pummelled into you from parents and university. I’ve managed to get to one of the best universities in the country and I’ve not overdosed on crack or got up the duff… why isn’t that enough?

The irony is, if I was thick, if I decided to leave school at 15 to pursue a life of terrorising the elderly and popping out a baby every 9 months, and then consequently turned my life around to start a course in Make-Up Studies, I’d be praised for doing so well. I’d be given credit for merely getting of my arse to do something with my life.

But because I came to university, I have to contend with angelic arseholes who can do everything better than me whilst spinning a plate on their nose and juggling their first-class essays.

The only expectation a puppy has is for you to have the ability to love. Nothing else matters. And you know what, the puppy has a point. Getting a high mark or a fancy internship doesn’t make you a better person, and as hard-working students we can lose touch of this fact of life. If you leave uni with a third and no work experience, you won’t be thrown in prison.

Is this not the pure image of happiness?

We should simply do what makes us happy. And what would make me happy is to press my face into my dog’s fur and pretend that the outside world doesn’t exist. Why do you think that crazy cat ladies are a phenomenon? They’ve simply OD’d on unconditional love.

So to all those smug, seemingly inhuman busybodies who somehow manage to get firsts in everything whilst interning at Goldman-Sachs, running for SU pres and helping out at the soup kitchen… I don’t give a shit, and neither does my puppy.

Are you tired of the endless expectations to do well and get a job before graduation? Would you consider taking Jane’s advice? Is there more to life than cramming up all your time with volunteering and work experience? Let us know your thoughts and leave us a comment.

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