7 Girls & 1 Mug: Boys Are Dicks

Pizza making nights and man bashing. Just another week for muggins

It seems to be on an almost hourly basis that one of them will utter something about the futility of men in general.

Occasionally it will slip into being the most extreme of feminist rants. When this happens it seems to be almost forgotten that I’m a boy (to be honest I’m starting to have my doubts about this too- I’ve been weeing sitting down since November).

I now fit in with the girls allowing me to act as the ultimate double agent. We even have pizza making nights, fueling my self-loathing as my balls slowly recede, but giving me more of an insight into their views on men. 

I try to stand up for the men of Nottingham, which will normally result in me being given the most castrating of looks.

I do massively enjoy seeing how boys act around them. Rachel was keen to find some people to share a taxi home with from Crisis, when she stumbled across a group who said they were not getting a taxi but were in fact walking back en masse. 

Young Rachel is the adventurous type so accepted this offer gratefully. A young knight in armor stepped up to the plate and offered her his jumper. What a gesture. He then said she could keep it. If she went for a drink with him.

I hate knitwear with an agenda. For what its worth she did in fact go for said drink (left-field but successful tactic gents).

They sometimes have a particularly aggressive view of each others former interests!
‘I don’t know how you ever liked him, someone in this house needs to break his nose,’ Bridget once declared. Note that I’m not even the go to for any nose breaking. 

One member of the house is going out with a guy from home who she only sees every few
weekends. To deal with the natural ‘frustration’ of this set up, she turns to baking; a lot. It is not unheard of her to feverishly bake cookies mid pre-drinks. A kind of filthy Mary Berry. The rest of the house reap the rewards of said set up, but every few weekends we see very little of her.

Hannah is a character I haven’t refereed to a great deal as of yet; a situation which must be rectified. I described her as the ‘liberal’, this does not nearly do Han enough justice. One night last term, Hannah was slightly worse for wear. She summoned her lovely boyfriend, lets call him Andreas, to the scene of the projectile.  

He had an athletics meet the next day and wasn’t entirely happy with her. At which point, the normally well mannered, polite girl we know transformed before our eyes and looked at him with an emotionless face and calmly declared, ‘fuck off and stop being so boring’. Hard to have a come back to such a statement.

A liberal indeed and also a fierce warrior for women’s rights. She was once asked ‘what job can men do better than women?’, she briefly thought about it, before giving the deadpan response, ‘a penis model’.

On another occasion she offered me her eggs. We’re a very close house.