Etiquette for Ladies: 101

Nottingham clubs are some of our nation’s fittest. It’s hard for anyone to deny.

Firm bums, long legs and tanned bods are always on display – and nobody is complaining. But as a soon as we delve deeper and take a closer look, we notice the disappointing mannerisms of our so-called elegant women.

This article is by no means an attack on any of you fine females. Rather, it is a moral code that you should all tattoo on the back of your hands, never to be forgotten. After all, nothing is wrong with having some sense of common courtesy and etiquette.

Where are the Audrey Hepburns of our generation?

Idolize her, ladies.

For simplicity, let’s have a look at the three most shocking of all the un-ladylike issues.

1. Burping: Interestingly, guys do enjoy most of the noises that escape your lips. However, burps are another story. The vicinity in which I am sitting does not need any atomizing by your breath. As far as I know, Febreeze have not launched a Garlic and Herb edition.

2. Bare feet: I can’t seem to comprehend this one. We all understand that you have been dancing around in your overpriced Topshop heels for four hours. Congratulations.

But by no means should you feel the need or the right to hop around McDonalds or outside of Crisis with your bare flakey feet. Is this life? Jenna Marbles’ infamous ‘White Girls in the Club’ did not earn millions of YouTube hits for no reason.

3. Facebook pictures: Posting up a photo of you squeezing your boobs in your bathroom mirror, while pouting as if you’re Tori Black, shouldn’t make a guy want you. And if it does, he is definitely not a keeper.

Another thing, for the sake of everyone else, keep the ones of you and your friends on the toilet with your granny panties around your ankles to your personal collection.

Whether you’re Christian, Jewish, Muslim or faithful to any other religion, this simple guide shall now become your Holy Book. Let’s try and bring etiquette back into our generation of our women.