To Beard… or Not to Beard?
When Movember ends, should we continue down the path of beardliness or return to our sensible shaven lives?
By now, many of you will be approaching the end point of your mustachioed journey, but what will come of your furry friend when Movember ends?
To discuss the pros and cons of this life-changing decision, we have enlisted the help of gloriously beardy Jamie Trott and the slickly shaven Ben Kennedy.
Before I begin, there is something that has to be made absolutely clear. A pre-pubescent whisker is not a beard. It will only ever look like you shaved your pubes and stuck them on your face with super glue. If you fall into that category then go ahead, shave and enjoy your life of mediocrity in manhood.
As a self-proclaimed posh boy with a suspect feminine side and puppy fat instead of muscles, my beard is all I have. Charm and intelligence count for nothing when they are all delivered in a posh, high pitched and sometimes squeaky voice. Couple this with no sporting prowess to elevate me to the ‘cool group’ and a pale hairy body, and social life suddenly becomes a mountain.
Yet I have a beard. A glorious, luscious and delicate beard that is trimmed to perfection and shampooed regularly. Suddenly with my shield against the big bad world, my charm shines through and my posh squeaky voice is countered with the fierce and proud rug that occupies my face. Every hair screams that ‘I am a man and don’t you dare forget it.’
There is just a sense of rugged greatness about a man who has a beard. You can’t put your finger on why exactly, but it is a truth well acknowledged. All the young man may have done is forgotten to shave recently; yet suddenly the world looks at him in a new way, as a wise and respected man of whom they do not know, but would love to get to know. The look suggests the bearded man must have been through great hardship and come out better for it. Yes, an instant bearded warrior.
Better yet, having a beard means no shaving. Beards are a natural part of the body. So is it just wrong to fight against what your body does naturally? Sure, it can be tamed. But to deforest a jungle that will always naturally grow back is just madness. In addition to this, we should also think of how cold the days are starting to get. To shave a source of warmth only adds to the need to keep the beard.
Some of the greatest men of our time have had beards. Abraham Lincoln. Colonel Sanders. George Clooney. Brad Pitt. David Beckham. All household names that have or had the ability to sport fantastic beards. All inspiring men with ample wisdom who deemed it necessary to grow a beard.
So I ask you: who are you, who have achieved nothing by comparison, except reading to the end of this article, to tell these men they were wrong? So what if they believe that having a beard is a stylish thing to do? Who are you to fight against the power of a beard?
I am yet to find an answer… and that is why I will remain sporting a beard.
We’re not yet worthy!
As my bearded adversary has pointed out: beards and moustaches are meant for a certain caliber of man. The sort of man who wakes up in the morning and says “World, I’m gonna slap you with my ring hand”. Abraham Lincoln. Colonel Sanders. John Shaft. These men wear their facial hair as a badge of strength, honour and achievement – and that is exactly why students have no right to own one… yet.
What a lot of student’s don’t seem to understand is that with great beard, comes great responsibility. Every hair on your face should stand for something: a puppy you rescued, a suicide you prevented, a mystery you solved – these are truly acts worthy of beardhood. Without these achievements, tashes and beards are merely a false symbol of enchantment and masculinity – a lot like shoving a sock down your pants.
Far too often am I seeing the gross epidemic of ‘douchebag beards’ infecting the faces of students far too young to pull off the wisdom and dignity that facial hair symbolises. There is no sadder sight than seeing a guy who has not quite finished puberty attempt a beard – it’s like a cat has moulted on their face.
Besides, it is far more practical at this stage of life to go clean shaven. It increases your employability and trustworthiness whilst reducing acne, itchiness and the chance of being mistaken for a terrorist at customs. Plus according to a psychological study, it reduces your chance of getting laid as women think men with beards look old and aggressive… so what really is the point?
When we’re reaching our 40’s and in the dream job we’re all working for, perhaps then we’ll be worthy of a touch of tash as a deserved symbol of recognition of our success. But by growing one right now, you’re defacing the prestige it carries and destroying society. As a wise man once said, the chin is the window of the soul.
So, when Movember ends… should guys resume shaven life or continue down the path of beardliness? Do beards make students look sexy or just plain lazy? Let us know.
All opinions are of the author alone, The Tab is merely a platform for debate.