Aunty Em: Lad or Ladette?

That time again readers, Aunty Em checking in. Hope you all survived Halloween and aren’t still finding fake blood around the house wondering if it’s real or not. Our latest problem is one that circles through Lenton on many nights of the week…

Dear Aunty Em,

I’m writing to you as both me and my housemates are becoming more and more concerned with the general existence of LADS. We realise such existence isn’t necessarily a good thing but we are getting desperate, every guy around us is acting like some emotional woman. Don’t judge us, but even random guys that we bring back on a night out are waking up the next morning asking if we’re going to call them later (several times!). I mean, imagine if it was the other way round and a girl was saying these things, a guy would be freaked out and run for the hills.

We are losing hope, please help. Do they really exist and if so, where the hell can we find them?!

Dear distressed reader,

Everyone likes a challenge, but doesn’t necessarily want that challenge to be getting them to leave your house. Many of us have been there: waking up the next morning, turning over and finding some random person in your bed who you definitely thought was a 7/8 and without beer goggles is definitely under 5. You just want them to leave the house before their face sees the cheesy chips you ate last night. When they suggest breakfast and you’ve got fake eyelashes stuck on the side of your face, fake tan dripping down your leg and are frantically planning the quickest route to the loo, it’s just the last thing on your mind. Then there’s the guy who invites himself back, you refuse to have sex with and stays for “cuddles”, again, refusing to leave. There are many of these ’people’ about and you need to be very wary when on a night out. On the other hand, meeting them when sober, I bet you’d actually love them. They’re the sort to take you on a meal to somewhere like Browns, pay and even walk you to the door and then turn around to go back to their own house.

You want a LAD, find one of the losers in a onesie (find a new fancy dress idea guys!) sharking by the bar. I was in your shoes not so long ago, waiting for the real men to reveal themselves, but after being put in plaster by a girl in heels who doesn’t know where the floor is, I’ve learnt my lesson. The real men are the one’s who bring you treats including cake, ice cream, dominoes and even your short loan books from the library when you’re a cripple. As for the others, leave them to Trent, there are some things Cripps can’t give you antibiotics for!