Aunty Em: Naughty vs Nice

Her latest situation to resolve, the trials and tribulations of a gay man…

Dear readers, after bumping into some of you last Friday in the shark-infested pit known as Ocean, I thought I’d better check in soon.

This week our reader has a debate I’m sure many of you are familiar with: the bad boy vs the parent-approved, stable man. He’s one of Nottingham’s finest gay men and clearly needs all the advice he can get hold of:


Dear Aunty Em,

I’m a third year and there are two men in my life: the exciting guy who lets you down and breaks your heart and the reliable, there-for-me guy who hasn’t worked out the definition of spontaneity, i.e. the bad boy and for lack of a better word, the nun.

I was with Boy A (bad boy) for two years and Boy B (the nun) for about four months, (both of these relationships were at uni). I still speak to both of them, but just can’t make up my mind on who to pick…

When Boy B and me broke up, I went running back to the bed of Boy A but have most recently had sex with Boy B. The sex as you’d presume is however always better with Boy A. On the other hand, Boy B is there for me at the drop of a hat, whereas Boy A would try but would not have a clue what to do and normally makes the situation worse.

When I was with my Bad Boy he was the standard cheat, liar and manipulator but I was drawn to him regardless. My nun would never cheat, and never asks for anything. Both want me back, but which one should I pick?


Dear puzzled reader,

Are you just a bit horny?! This bad boy of yours doesn’t actually sound too great. “Cheat, liar and manipulator”, the grounds for a long-lasting relationship I see!

Stamp one of them out!

Granted, everyone loves a bit of excitement, but once you’ve actually done the deed, is that tension still there? And when he cheated, how often did you want to get revenge? If you were on a night out and they were both getting with someone else, who would you care more about? If they were to both leave uni, who would you miss more?

I reckon the gut answers to both these questions would be the nun. It seems to me that you’re clinging to the bad boy because you’ve got history, but at the end of the day, if you were with the nice guy for the same amount of time, you’d have history there too, and not just sexual!

Fuck buddies can turn sour, so having two probably isn’t the best idea! The sex is probably better with the Bad Boy because you were with him much longer and clearly after that length of time, you know people inside out…

It’s your last year at uni, you either have fun but at the same time get through several boxes of Kleenex and all the Bridget Jones films several times or you get to share your Galaxy with someone else on a cosy Sunday night in. It seems you are more content with Boy B, whereas with Boy A, you’re more up and down. You’ve got a case of the dreaded nostalgia, and that stuff can hang about.

You’ve got to ask yourself who would come find you when you’re passed out on Lenton Boulevard and carry you home? Let’s look at it logically:

Bad Boy:

pros: fun, exciting, good in bed, a good night out.

Cons: unstable, disaster waiting to happen, cheats, lies.


Pros: reliable, trust-worthy, reliable, selfless

Cons: shy? Insecure, jealous.

It’s your last year at uni and having been with both of these types myself, I’ve learnt my lesson, the excitement will come to an end. Just make sure the nun doesn’t drag you to the church with him, you’ve still got to have fun!

If this fails you there’s always the option of getting the two of them to fight it out, even if that means doing it Harry Hill paddling pool style. And just remember there is such a thing as a naughty nun… as well as a Boy C!

Got a problem that is just as messed up or worse? Surely not, but contact Aunty Em for that shoulder to cry on and a good bit of advice.