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Where your Norwich Valentine’s Day spot should be based on your couple’s vibe

You know you’re one of these

The E-Couple

First things first, dye your hair pastel pink, whatever your gender it’s mandatory. Once you’ve done that, meet your significant e-ther in the herb garden behind Norwich Cathedral and have a quick game of Animal Crossing on your Nintendos. Head to the graveyard and film a cheeky TikTok holding hands and being adorable. Be sure to surround your footage with cutesy emojis and annoying text such as ‘uwu’ and plenty of commas,,,before heading to Norwich’s gaming cafe: One Life Left, on St Benedicts. Chill in the dark there for a couple of hours until you get hungry, then head over to Norwich Market to pick up some noodles from a stall called FRESH. They’re totally incredible. I know you’ll be filming this whole thing on TikTok, but remember to enjoy each other’s real life company too. Get talking about your favourite Pokemon fairy types and I guarantee you’ll fall in love.

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The Chill Couple

Everyone wants to hang out with you guys all the time, but today is for just the two of you. Start out at Gonzo’s Tea Room on London Street for the wildest burgers in the world. I heard last year they played a romcom on the projector, so it’ll defo get you in the mood. I recommend the poutine and also the cocktails. After that, if you somehow still have room, head to Sundaes Gelato on St Giles Street for a sundae neither of you will want to share (I recommend the Kinder Bueno Cookie Dough). Once you’re so full you can hardly walk, roll yourself down to the Bell Hotel Spoons and order a colourful pitcher and get chatting. You’re both so hilarious you’ll probably find yourselves there for hours.

The Eco-Warrior Couple

You want to have fun but your true love is Planet Earth, and you won’t be jeopardising that for Valentine’s Day. Cycle into Norwich before heading to the Tipsy Vegan and ordering some food and cocktails, all egg-whites free. Their seitan is the best I’ve ever tried. After that treat, head to the Norwich Market and check out some stalls. Pick up a bamboo toothbrush to keep at each other’s houses, and a plastic-free brownie from And Eat It. Once that’s safely packed in your recycled tote bag, hop back on your bike and nip up to Mousehold Heath to watch the sunset over the woodlands together. I promise it will take your breath away (and thus reduce your emissions).

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The Fitness Couple

Put the grind on hold for a moment and head to Pono Superfood Bar with your special someone on St Giles Street. Their brand is clean-eating so you’ll probably love it, and you can even pre-order a cold-pressed kale juice to give you an extra few minutes on the squat rack. After that, run down to Gravity trampoline park and show off your moves. They do fitness classes, and you can also get 15% off if you book online. Remember, you do deserve a break, so leave the Gymshark plugging for tomorrow and hype up whoever you’re with instead. Who knows, maybe even head home and ditch the gym gear for pyjamas and a romantic movie. All I’m saying is sex burns calories too…

The Alternative Couple

So Valentine’s Day is obviously a load of commercialised bullshit designed to fund big corporations and con the everyday consumer, but hey, you’re buying into it for today. Meet up at the Bicycle Shop Cafe on St Benedicts Street with its vintage chic vibe and heavy plant action, and I’d say try the duck and bean cassoulet. Once you’re out of there, check out some of the record shops opposite and be sure to head to The Crypt: an amazing antique shop set up in the church. Once you’ve picked up some vintage clothes and postcards, make for Mr Postles Apothecary and order some cocktails that will have you both feeling like witches mixing up a love potion. See where the night takes you, but if you wind up getting matching tattoos in Indigo Tattoo Studio, would that be such a bad thing?

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The Gram Couple

Be sure to snap a pic of your outfit before you leave the house for your story: ladies I want an off the shoulder dress and a mid-heel, gents I want a fitted shirt and boatshoes with a Dior Sauvage bottle in the background. Link up at The Ivy and be sure not to order a dish that won’t look popping on the gram. Get that ‘The Ivy Brasserie’ location filter too. Bond over being BNOCs and the most exciting brand that’s asked for your endorsement, before heading to Mae Cosmetics together and getting a top up on your fillers. Once your lips and cheekbones are looking expensive, head to Cecilia’s for drinks and, more importantly, the new profile pic you’ll get together in front of the heavenly angel wings. Just ask a randomer – I’m sure they won’t mind spending an hour trying to get one, only for you to edit it anyway. It’ll be worth it to make your significant other feel special when you post them later.

The Rich Couple

Steer clear of the miserable First Bus experience and treat yourselves to a taxi into the city – although, ABC definitely already has your card details saved. Make for Farmyard Contemporary Bistro on St Benedicts Street; its chefs have worked in Michelin star restaurants and its wine list might be almost as good as what Daddy has at home in the cellar. Polish off a three-course-meal while bonding over mutual friends from private school, before heading to Rooftop Gardens to keep the drinks flowing. They’re on the pricey side, but what’s a night out if it doesn’t involve dipping into your trust fund?

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