The 7 types of girls you will meet at UEA

I WISH I was a sporty ten


The 'Edgy' One

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The edgy girl usually means well, but living with one is not always a dream. Late at night you will be in danger of hearing her trying to customise her beloved Doc Martens, and early in the morning she will probably wake you up playing The 1975 on loop on her record player that takes up an impractical amount of space. She’ll always whip out her baby pink Polaroid and insist on taking some edgy shots when you’re already late for Pres.

Always the first to buy a ticket to The Waterfront, you can guarantee that the second ‘I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor’ comes on, she will get overexcited and stand on you in the aforementioned customised Doc Martens, desperately trying to cling onto 2013. If you’re still unsure whether she’s a true indie girl, look for her refusal to wear jeans below the ankle, even in sub-zero temperatures, and a seemingly infinite collection of Fjallraven Kankens, (she's also probably secretly rich). That being said if you need someone to help you put together an aesthetically pleasing Instagram theme, she’s the one to visit.

The Horse Girl

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This gal probably doesn't shop in Tesco, let's be honest

There’s always one, and believe me, she’s difficult to miss. If you ever find yourself in her room (I pray for your sake that you don’t), there will probably be a shrine built to her horse Monty, complete with several oil paintings of him in his stable, situated right beside her family’s casual countryside mansion. In her wardrobe you will find a Leavers’ hoodie from an apologetically obvious private school, complete with a Latin motto and a series of names that are of course, double-barrelled.

She's definitely in UEA Polo club, and might play hockey, too. Don't forget her attachment to her pair of Dubarry boots, and a designer gilet, even though there is literally no appropriate time to wear these at university. Favouring sports night, she has an unexpectedly high alcohol tolerance after binge-drinking with the Young Farmers back home since she was thirteen, and is so rich she’s always happy to share her booze. If there’s a horse girl at Pres, you can bet you will not remember anything the morning after, and it will probably be for the best – she is a lot of fun.

The artsy one

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I just love TEA, don't you just LOVE TEA too???

She has so many books, that they will probably somehow spread into – the kitchen. She most likely has terrible eyesight and a full fringe (if not, she's definitely thinking about it), owns an alarming quantity of mustard knitwear, and loves a good night in. She generally studies English Lit, Art History or Philosophy and won't let you forget it.

Come winter you can guarantee she will crack out a Ravenclaw scarf and add that to the mix. It’s also probable that she sleeps in a t-shirt that says, ‘Grammar Police!’ on it, as though she’s somehow proud of being a Hermione Granger-esque, insufferable know-it-all, all whilst nursing an unsettlingly large cup of tea.

She’s also a terrible dancer (in the cutest way possible) and WILL embarrass you in the club, most noticeably when ‘Come On Eileen’ comes on at Damn Good. On the plus side, she is a great judge of character, making her the perfect wing woman. She’ll be more interested in the font used for the club sign than the dudes trying to hit on you two.

The Eco Warrior Queen

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We only drink soya milk in this house now

Have you heard of Rainbow Whole Foods? If you haven’t, (how?) let me tell you all about it. Rainbow Whole Foods is a vegan supermarket located on a typically hipster street in Norwich, where you can buy every chia seed-packed, Deliciously Ella-approved lump of nutrition you could dream of, and this. Bitch. Lives for it.

Early in the morning, before the indie kid has reached for her records, this girl is blending up an unstoppable mix of vegan protein powder, unsweetened almond milk and raw cacao (whatever that is). If you decide to go vegetarian to help the environment, it’s best not to mention it to her as you’re in danger of receiving a lecture on how ‘meat is a by-product of dairy’, and veganism is superior. You can be sure her bag will be decorated with cartoon earths and guilt-inducing slogans like ‘there is no planet b’. You wish you had her drive and self-control.

No pres are complete without her getting drunk and sobbing about climate change or yelling at a well-meaning bartender who offered you a single-use plastic straw. Having said that, you’ll probably find she gives unfairly good advice when you’re snacking on banana chips in the kitchen together at 3am.

The Sporty Ten

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I WISH I knew what a gym was

It’s 8:30am. You’ve managed to drag yourself out of bed and into the kitchen for breakfast before your seminar, only to find a girl dressed head to toe in colour-coordinated Gymshark items and neon Nikes. She’s already been to the Sports Park, dead-lifted more than you weigh, or put in an early training session for whatever sports team shes on, all while putting a massive dent in your self-esteem, and it’s not even 9am. Sound familiar? If yes, you might be in the presence of a sporty ten.

This girl does not wear a shred of makeup day-to-day and her skin still looks better than yours. Worse still, when you decide to hit up Norwich’s nightlife scene, this girl goes from a 10/10 to a 20/10 and somehow makes a PrettyLittleThing bodysuit look like it cost more than a tenner, but she'll always be happy to lend you her clothes. However great you think her gym leggings look, late at night she probably stays up with fear that her bum isn’t peachy enough for the moronic sports lad she’s seeing who doesn’t deserve her anyway.

Despite her own self-doubt, she tends to become strangely motivational after a few drinks – you’ll soon discover she believes in yourself more than you do, and you might just get your 2:1 because of her.

The 'I went on a gap yah' one

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The gap yah gal is an easy spot. It’s freshers’ week. You’re wandering down the hall towards your dorm, when you spot her. Her t-shirt cutely knotted, as is her bandana, and you can’t tell if she has legs or something else entirely as her elephant-print harem pants flow across half the room. She’s wearing sandals, even though it’s late September. Why? Why is she wearing sandals? It’s ten degrees outside. Well, let me tell you. She's been in Asia for the last year and has 'found herself', whatever that means.

On entering her room, you will glance out the corner of your eye and notice her wardrobe is packed with questionable hemp dresses that will be practical for precisely one (1) day in Britain. At societies fayre she signed up for every activist society going and somehow still has enough time to commit to them all.

She probably has a huge Urban Outfitters scratch map above her bed, which hasn’t actually been scratched as much as she had implied. If you’re ever looking for someone to plan a trip – even just a rainy weekend to visit your more interesting mates in better cities – she’s your go to girl.

The Sesh Head

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Sequins without fail

We all know one, and if you can’t think of one, that’s probably because it’s you. Head over to your wardrobe. Is it predominantly sequin bandeaus, pastel-toned Fila Disrupters, leopard print flares and empty bottles of fake tan.

Before pres have even started you’ve probably downed at least seven shots, and pulled a tacky chunder before you head out to avoid an early peak. Your fridge shelf is filled, not with ingredients for meals, but rather with litre bottles of vodka and Echo Falls summer berries to use as a mixer. A mixer! Her night isn't complete without a portion of cheesy chips

A true sesh head probably doesn’t chill with 9ams, but that one time they did, they were still in clothes and lashes from the night before and carefully sat at the end of the row ready to make a quick toilet getaway; this girl is hardcore.

You might think it’s funny to decorate your flat windowsill with all empty bottles consumed by your flat, even if the majority of them were yours from the night before. That being said, you’re one hell of a dancer, and if any guy gets creepy with your friend at the LCR, you’re great at tailoring your dance moves to ‘accidentally’ knock him out the way. Oops!