We ranked the VK flavours like true alcopop connoisseurs, but sober

The VK. No doubt a staple of every student’s night out, but how many have you drunk sober? Have you ever actually properly tasted the flavour when it’s not coming back up in your vomit?

Just as wine has antioxidants that fight illnesses, the VK is notorious for fighting off any memory of the night.

We taste-tested every flavour of VK so you didn’t have to, and we wouldn’t recommend ever drinking them sober.

Blue

We wrongly thought it was heavenly

Had to start off with the classic. Guaranteed a few hours into your night out you’ll have a bright blue tongue looking like you’re a 10-year-old in a school disco.

The Blue VK has strong notes of regret, with a weirdly alcoholic taste to it that you wouldn’t expect from this classic alcopop. The slightly bubble-gummy soda water can also be mistaken for liquid diabetes if you’re not careful.

Emilie, 6/10. Kerri, 5/10

Apple and Mango

Giving it a good sniff

The first thought was an immediate recollection of the LCR toilets at 2am on a Saturday night. The colour was too green, nothing should be so artificially coloured. Has some strong notes of mango, however, the aftertaste made us gag, reminding us of the feeling of doing a shot of Apple Sourz when we were 14.

Emilie, 2/10. Kerri, 4/10

Black Cherry

Sniff then spit, because it’s disgusting

Tastes like cherry for about 10 seconds, but then it reminded us of vomit. The only good thing about this one is that if it’s in a cup, you could mistake it for a snakebite, passing yourself off as a cool snakebite-drinking lad.

Emilie, 0/10. Kerri, 0/10

Ice ice baby

Sophistication

What flavour even is ice? When you’re smashed it’s not something that you’ve ever even thought about questioning, you’re just having a nice little drink that’s not gonna stain your tongue for 12 hours. The closest flavour you could associate it with is cloudy lemonade, but a really shit cloudy lemonade.

Emilie, 7/10. Kerri, 4/10

Tropical

Tropic like it’s hot

If this was a university, it would be Kent. Basic, boring and predictable. I hope for your sake your nights out are more fun than this drink.

Emilie, 5/10. Kerri, 6/10

Strawberry and Lime

At this point, Kerri was quite drunk… obviously

This is arguably one of our favourite flavours. With strong notes of strawberry, you could drink this casually on a summer’s night, perfectly complementing a doner kebab and cheesy chips. For dessert, we would recommend a classic ice-lolly, or just freeze the VK because they taste exactly the same.

Emilie, 7/10. Kerri, 9/10

Orange and Passionfruit

We saved the best ’till last

Orange is the absolute classic. It’s basically a Porn Star Martini in a bottle, what’s not to love? You can’t go wrong with this one. Sugary, but not too sugary. Flavourful, but not too flavourful. Alcoholic, but not too alcoholic.

Emilie, 9/10. Kerri, 10/10

Biggest lesson learnt from this taste-testing was that the Orange VK is actually Orange and Passionfruit… who knew? Also, we wouldn’t recommend drinking seven in a row, you will literally be able to scrape the contents off your teeth and will probably miss your 9am like Kerri did.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• The new VK flavour has finally been announced!

• A scientific explanation of what your favourite VK flavour says about you

• A UEA grad posed with a blue VK in his graduation photo