I wore pyjamas to a pub, the supermarket and a club to see if people actually hated it

Pyjamas should be worn everywhere, they improve life so much

7 years ago

In the news last week there was outrage at two women wearing pyjamas in a supermarket. Haters vilified those who were wise enough to choose cosiness over conformity, with one Tesco customer declaring: “It’s bloody disgusting.” A supermarket in Wales even went as far to ban customers who wore jim-jams in store in 2010.

For the sake of humanity’s future happiness, I spent 24-hours wearing pyjamas to the pub, whilst shopping in the supermarket, and on a night-out to prove the disbelievers wrong.

There was initial anxiety in putting on the outfit. However, after a couple of ciders down the local pub, I had the liquid courage to get changed in the bar toilet. I came out, and within 15 seconds three blokey blokes stopped playing their game of pool outside the toilets to stare in amazement at my moment of genius. Not only was I more comfy than them infinitely, my leopard print full-body night-time onesie really emphasised my femininity. Their comments included “what the fuck is he doing!?” and “is he alright?” – clearly statements of the utmost amazement.

I asked the lady at the bar her thoughts on my attire, to which she replied: “It’s fine, just be careful in clubs, there is usually a shoe and trousers policy.” Clearly, the world is yet to fully accept my choice of attire, the world is not yet night-wear friendly.

Taking a break from the alcoholic consumption, I went to do some shopping. Tesco was never graced by a sight more dashing. The security guard, like most members of the public, was aghast with a look of total confusion on his face. I can assure you I have never been comfier buying biscuits and cleaning products in my whole life than that moment. The comfort it brought me meant choosing items could be carried out with the most rational and clear head possible.

Never felt so good in a Tesco

After a nice bit of civilised grocery shopping, it was of course time to go get wavey. The deep pockets of my dressing gown were brilliant in allowing the smuggling of my 350ml vodka bottle into all of the pre-drink locations.

Time went fast and after comments ranging from “that’s a bit weird”, to “you ledge”, it was time to go clubbing. I knew that in this pyjama-outfit-prejudiced dystopia we live in, I would have to smuggle my dressing gown and jammies in my bag and enter the club in my usual attire. I waited in the queue aching to get out of my unnaturally feeling normie clothes. The bouncer inspected my bag and I said: “Don’t worry I’m not in ISIS, I have a dressing gown in there”. He saw the humorous side of this and let me into the club, groceries and all.

Finally getting in, I was free to change into my real form in the toilets. Once out I received my first comment at the cloak-room; it was the cloak lady commenting on my appearance. She said: “You’re such a mess” – I took it on the chin. Although I spent most of the time walking around the club, I now felt so much more liberated and airy with nothing on but night-wear.

No longer were my poor-fitting jeans revealing my builder’s bum; no longer did I freeze in the smoking area in some shitty cheeky Nandos lad t-shirt with ‘Ibiza’ emblazoned across the front. I received many stares, but there was resounding positivity in the club. The comments ranged from “is that a dressing gown!?” to “go on boy!”

I will say though, you will have more fag breaks in the club. Dressing gowns do get really hot. But who cares when you look this swag?

Overall, people’s opinions were positive, many people said they were envious of how comfy I was. Many were generally shocked with how I got into a club in such attire, hence a lot of “what the fuck!?” However, your always in going to be faced by onlookers who have a conservative outlook and do not understand that you are on the potential edge of a groundbreaking social movement. There were a few stares, however, the more drunk you got, the less you gave a fuck, so if anything, it’s ideal on a night. Fortunately I proved my Dad wrong when he said “what if you get punched in the face?”

I can only recommend that you, too, transform your life and stop conforming. Wear the clothes you wear to bed everywhere; the whole world becomes so much more comfortable.