Unhinged swan attacks third years on campus

Even a glass of champers couldn’t calm it down

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A rogue swan terrorised a group of champagne drinking third years on campus this weekend.

The swan approached the group as they tried to have a drink by the lake, and proceeded to lunge for them in a violent and unprovoked attack.

English Literature third year Alice Cachia was celebrating her friend’s birthday by the lake when the large bird decided to make its move.

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Alice said:  “My friends and I were drinking champagne by the lake. It was one of their 21st birthdays, we’re not that classy/tragic everyday.

“This fucking massive swan just waddled out the lake and came right up to us, like literally right up in our grill. It was all in our face, flapping around and staring us down with its evil beady eyes.”

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The violent swan remained on one side of the table the students were sitting at for the duration of the celebrations.

Alice said: “My friend and I tried to flap our jackets and pretend to be massive giant swans but it didn’t work – the swan wasn’t scared at all.

“I thought it was going to slap me down with its huge webbed feet. I was tempted to fight back with my own webbed toes.”

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Flapping those arms

She added: “I’m not concerned about the swan’s behaviour. It terrified me at first but then we’re all scared of the unknown.

“I was just pissed off that I kept having to leave my champagne behind to run away from it. Its neck was so long and it snorted and hissed a lot but I mean we had dibs as we were sat down first.”

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When asked if she had told UEA about the incident, Alice said: “No, it just wanted to sit with us really.

“UEA probably does know about it but I bet the swan is just like us students and wanted some booze for the afternoon.”

The swan was unavailable for comment.