You can’t complain about your student loan if your parents are minted

A new academic year is fast approaching, which means one thing: the payment of student loans is imminent.

This tidal wave of money means a lot of us will be feeling a little more flush than usual after a summer of scrimping. However, if one is to believe what is plastered across social media every year, then the richest of students are in fact the poorest.

When it comes to money, middle-class students are a bit like white feminists; there’s lots of them, they whinge a lot, and they don’t recognise their own privilege.

Despite regularly being photographed with branded vodka or bottles of Prosecco at pre-drinks, they still reckon they’re hard done by. I mean, some of us have been drinking Lambrini for the last year – and not by choice.

Really, a middle-class student crying for more money from SFE is like an unemployed millionaire demanding welfare.

Yes, it’s true that us ‘working class’ uni goers get more money from Her Majesty, but that’s far outweighed by the heaps of money daddy transfers you every month. Let’s be honest, with the money your parents can afford to give you, you don’t need a bigger student loan.

There’s no way anyone can complain about their student loan being too small if they shop anywhere other than Aldi, or at the very least only buy Everyday Value food. If you spend more than £15 a week on groceries, you’re really not living the #StudentLife.

You could argue that the government should pay every student the highest amount available and thus eliminate the need for the rich kids to be propped up by their middle-class, BMW driving, champagne socialist dads.

But do you really want hospitals, welfare and schools to be cut, just to fund your Ocado shopping, Costa drinking life-style? People are hungry out there.

Even if we were all given the same amount of money per semester, the bank of mum and dad would still make sure you could afford that new Mac lipstick or celebratory bottle of Grey Goose that you definitely need.

Let’s look at the figures: a student whose parents earn a crisp £80,000 a year will get the lowest loan amount (£3,700) for the year. Compare that to a student with lowly household income of £25k, who will collect around £7,400 for the academic year.

Yes, the richer of the two does get half as much which, on the face of it, seems unfair. But their parents wages are over three times as much as the poorer students, and let’s be honest – daddy isno’ going to let them go short.

I know one person who gets the lowest available loan, which just about covers his rent. He’s then given £400 per month from his parents. £100 a week – that’s five times my weekly food budget.

Similarly another one of my wealthy friends has their rent paid by her parents. She gets the lowest student loan, sure – but she gets to keep it, all £1200 pounds per semester. These guys don’t realise how easy they get it.

My friends still all have substantially more money than me, despite the fact I get one of the highest amounts of loan plus grant available. One even brought his car to uni, and he still moans about his loan not being big enough.

Changes are ahead. Come 2016 you, my middle-class comrades, will have even less of a reason to moan about your loan.

Gideon and his Eton school chums have, in a bid to make Britain even more of a meritocracy, decided it would be progressive and fair if student grants were scrapped, meaning the ‘povos’ amongst us will be saddled with substantially more debt than our privileged peers. Yet you’ll still complain how hard it is to be a white, middle-class student at university.

It’s time for middle class students to stop moaning about their £1300 per semester loan. I’ll swap you my loan plus grant for your dads’ wallets any day.