I went on UEA’s Take Me Out
I almost popped my balloon for one guy til I found out he was a Law student
I’ll admit it, it gets lonely when your housemates all have boyfriends and girlfriends.
So when UEA’s RAG society decided to host their own version of Take Me Out, there was no way I wasn’t doing it.
Everyone knows that the best love stories begin in the LCR – this was my opportunity.
The details weren’t really revealed to us until the day, but there was plenty of time for us to stalk the boys in the corridor and try and woo them before the show started.
We were told to dress to impress, but I needed alcohol to help my nerves so there was no way I was wearing heels. Instead I rocked a blue velvet dress with some leather pumps.
Before we went on stage, we were allowed to get ready in the dressing room. I feel like a superstar now that I’ve been behind the LCR stage, and I was giving little nods here and there to the bouncers. I was suddenly part of the “in-crowd”.
Anyway, with 24 girls squished into a tiny box room, screaming about how so totally buzzed they were, I was starting to get a little sweaty.
I needed air, so naturally went and had a shot of Sambucca and necked a double vodka and lemonade.
At 8pm, all 24 girls strutted on stage to “Single Ladies” as the crowd cheered and clapped us. I made sure I did a big shimmy in the middle of the stage to let the people of UEA know it was my time to shine.
With our balloons and paperclips at the ready (I think they may have been on a budget) the first guy came on, and announced that he was actually more interested in men than ladies. Many a balloon was popped.
Somehow, despite his theatrical performance and too tight leggings, he did manage to get himself a date.
As the evening progressed we witnessed a magician, a girl who said she hated Essex (to the boos of pretty much all UEA students), and a guy who sang an acoustic version of “Hey Ya”.
It was a really good night, but the vodka had gone to my head a bit and I accidentally popped my balloon a few times because I was waving it in time to the music.
An incredibly awkward moment came when one of the single men decided to take out his ex-girlfriend.
He tied a cherry stalk with his tongue and asked the two remaining girls what they could do with theirs. His ex-girlfriend replied: “I showed you two weeks ago.”
He picked her. Clearly she left a lasting impression.
I couldn’t particularly hear the videos played, and the microphone was too quiet for the girls to hear, but it was a really good evening and most of the girls were really friendly and jokey.
Some took it to heart a bit, and I did hear a “OMG my balloon has been popped twice now” a few times, but nobody was really bitchy.
It got to the interval and I still hadn’t left my balloon unpopped for anyone. It was now or never, so I went and had two jagerbombs, and a double Southern Comfort and lemonade. I was ready.
One guy did come down to Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” but then I found out he was a Law student so I decided he was a big no-no. He managed to get a date, but revealed that he had his eyes on someone else first, who was actually his date’s housemate. Awkward doesn’t even cut it.
Other acts from the night included a boy stripping down to nothing but his underwear, and a descendent of Nigerian royalty.
The best secret question asked of the night was: “If you were a fast food restaurant what would you be and why?”
The winning answer was: “I’d be a Subway, because I can give you a foot long.”
When an absolutely GORGEOUS date came on stage, I knew I was not going to pop my balloon. Before now, nobody had made me look twice, but I had to pick my jaw up off of the floor.
He started speaking. He said he was Spanish. I’m a quarter Spanish. Match made in heaven? I think so. He was LUSH.
When it came down to the final round, he popped the remaining balloons so it was just me and another girl. He then asked us his secret question: “If you were a life quote, what would you be?”
I blurted out the first thing I could think of: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade… but always add vodka.”
I think that clinched it for me.
Anyway, we’re off on a date to Nandos soon, and I can’t wait to reveal what it’s like. David y Alice = perfecto.
I thought most of the single guys would either be complete drips or arrogant wankers, but it turns out they were a pretty decent bunch.