Unwritten rules of the library everyone follows

It’s instinctive

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Everyone has spent so long in the library there are certain points of etiquette that have become second nature.

If you’re one of those weird students who doesn’t normally ‘do’ the library, this unspoken code of conduct might surprise you, so here’s a bluffers guide to how to avoid pissing anyone off.

Keep your distance

In one of those beautifully rare moments where there are two desks available out of three, don’t, under any circumstances, willingly sit next to whoever already has the first one.

Your germs might infect them; your leg might touch theirs; your breath may smell. You could well be the reason they fail this module.

So, unless you want to be the cause of much tutting and sighing, the invisible student between two desks is a necessity.

You’ll make no friends by sitting this close to people

Don’t be a desk hogger

If, however, the library is particularly busy then filling in that middle seat will require bravery as you fumble to place your bag down without making too much noise.

But, there is nothing more irritating than seeing a seat available, were it not for the rucksack the person either side of you has placed there.

If you have a bag make sure it’s under your desk, or the librarians may have to rush to stop the argument arising on a silent working floor.

Easy way to solve this is to start loudly singing ‘Move bitch, get out the way!’

No eye contact with anyone. Ever

If only it was acceptable to wear sunglasses in the library to avoid all possible eye contact. Don’t look at anyone, keep your head down, and your feet moving.

Library daydreaming is a very real problem, and you might just come round to find you’ve been gazing into the eyes of a very gorgeous, very out-of-your-league campus hottie, as you’re dribbling away.

So, eyes down to the ground. Unless you’re looking for books of course.

Didn’t your mother teach you it’s rude to stare?

Laptop or computer – choose one

Sometimes you’re going to need to bring your laptop to study and in these bleak times finding an empty is seat is like finding the Holy Grail.

But never, under any circumstances, think it’s okay to just place your laptop in front of one of the computers.

You will be universally hated, regarded as the modern day Satan, the epitome of evil. Of course, nobody will ever ask you to move, but know that your actions will be considered deeply immoral.

How to be the most hated guy on campus in one easy step

Look your best (even when you feel your worst)

And finally, the most important ‘unwritten rule’ to remember: look sexy. Fix up, look sharp, and you might just find your future spouse via the UEA ‘Spotted’ page.

Don’t lie, it’s your dream to be lusted after. And what better way to find someone than by looking irresistible as you question your sanity and reasons for living throughout the duration of exam period.

Spotted: beautiful people on floor four

Print these rules out if you need to; stick them to your bedroom wall if you must.

But make sure you learn them, because breaking even one will jeopardise any opportunity of become a BNOC, should your devilish actions ever find themselves being reported.