Quad Wrangle: Shocking discovery leaves The Square in jeopardy

A group of Engineering students on a routine exercise made the startling discovery that The Square’s four sides are not of the equal length needed to qualify as a pure square.

One of the students responsible for the find, who wishes to remain anonymous, said: “It was like somebody had turned the world upside down. When you think about it, it’s obvious. Campus Kitchen cuts into the corner, so it couldn’t possibly be a square. We’ve been so blind!”

The Engineering students made the shocking discovery on a routine exercise

When contacted by The Tab, university officials refused to comment on the damning discovery or its implications, although a spokesperson was heard mumbling something about Greg James and Matt Smith.

Unconfirmed reports claim that senior staff called an emergency meeting to consult a child’s shape sorter toy.

Eyewitnesses report that the fountains in The Square have been shut down until the controversy has passed, but this is impossible to verify as they are never on anyway.

An announcement is expected to be made later this week. Until then the future of The Square remains uncertain, with student activist groups already organising campaigns to have it officially renamed The Oblong.

The Square may now have to be known as “The Oblong”

A student anarchist, whose identity could not be determined under his Guy Fawkes mask, questioned the truthfulness of UEA’s naming policy: “What we should be asking here is whether the University knew about this all along. And if they did, what else have they been hiding from us?”

More on this story as it develops.