8 tips for toilet tranquillity

Have you made the leap from living in halls? Or just signed a contract for a house for next year? The contentious issue of toilet etiquette can be a hazardous grey area, so let The Tab give you some handy tips…


The average person visits the bathroom 6-8 times a day and this could potentially mean if you live in a 3-bedroom house, 7500 separate visits to your bathroom in an academic year. The result of this is a whole lot of empty toilet rolls, and the possibility of some horrendous sites.

Create a toilet roll policy

Unquestionably the most important thing to discuss when you get your shiny new key to the house. An extra pack is essential for most shopping trips; no one enjoys wiping with a tissue, towel or anything else to hand.

Toilet seats exist for a reason

Males should know that the existence of these wondrous inventions is to cover any wee dribbles that inevitably occur. Put it down and keep it down (or wipe your porcelain princess with some tissue, it’s your call?)

Sit-down wees

Feeling a little drunk? Hungover? Both? In this situation a sit-down wee is best for everyone involved. I’m sure the last thing any friend would want to see after a heavy night out or a low key night in, is a substance similar to that of an LCR vodka red bull.

Vomit

If you had an en suite before, you will miss the freedom of stumbling home from the LCR, chucking your guts up and then passing out in bed. Once you move into a house, a darling housemate may clear up your mess, but it’s unlikely… so either drunkenly fumble for the toilet paper and saturate every surface in anti-bac, or wake up early to clean up the re-emerging burger (without chundering).

If you don’t, expect to face a frosty atmosphere for a day or two.

Blockages

A blocked restroom is both dangerous and dirty. If two flushes don’t do it then give it 10 minutes to brew, ensuring you sit outside the loo the whole time to stop any housemate causing local flooding.

Night-time flushing

Waking up at 3am and needing to go toilet is always inconvenient, but to flush or not to flush? Take some sound advice and press that button. Making the first trip to the bathroom of the day is rarely very fun, especially if your housemate finds some mellow yellow water.

Don’t waste time

Attempt to take less than 5 minutes, no matter how tempting it is to complete another level of angry birds.

Oust

Need I say more? Because even if you don’t think it smells that bad, it more than likely does.

Use this advice. Memorise it. Put it on the back of your humble loo door. Anything to stop your student toilet becoming a hellhole, because no one enjoys cleaning the loo… And if any of you are wondering about any of the UEA toilets, there is a handy blog floating around giving a full set of ratings if your own is too much to bear.