Freshers: A Rant

Whilst this article may suggest I’m sent into blistering fits of rage at the mere sight of those only a year my junior, I would generally describe myself as being pretty tolerant. In the case of this year’s Freshers however, I find myself increasingly irritated.

 We firstly have the way that they walk around campus looking all keen and perky and, you know, clean (and fresh…) With their new stationary and their wide eyes and their brand new Superdry/Abercrombie ‘studentwear’. Or else you have the ‘indie’ ones, who wear deliberately laddered tights and dungarees with one side done up and the other, inexplicably, undone. I respectfully ask WHY? Could someone tell me that is fashionable/ ‘dope’?

 I just do not understand the youth of today…

 The T-shirt party was fun, right? There I was having a rave with my cool second-year mates (‘we don’t care we’re second years wooo!’), sharing a cheeky cigarette on the steps and some extra-friendly fresher boys come and ask if they can have one. I’m thinking um…NO. Buy your own- you have fresh student loans and don’t have to get a taxi home. Plus it was our last one, which for some reason they refused to believe.

WE COULD DRINK ALL THIS TOO.. once.

 Don’t even get me started about the Facebook statuses, tweets and general keen spam that is clogging up my personal news feed. No-one cares that you did beer bong and ended up stealing a traffic cone which you now keep as a trophy on your overly-visible windowsill. No-one cares if you stayed in and watched the trilogy of Lord of the Rings because you are nerdy and don’t roll with the hipsters. No-one cares that you made cheesecake in a frying pan instead of a quiche dish. Am I making myself clear?

 In fact why DID you add me on Facebook? I do not know you, (I have no wish to). The fact that we share a course/ you live in my old residence does not mean we have anything in common or that I want to read about how much you miss your cat Alonso.

I realise that I was a fresher myself only a year ago, but I firmly believe that the fact I have passed through that (really awesome) year gives me the right to judge you all. I’m sure people did the same to us last year and I’m sure you will do it to the babies who arrive next September.

 On that note, I hope you all have a great year and feel free to wear dungarees neither undone or on properly if that’s what makes you happy. Because you are now adults and can feel free to look like idiots without anyone (except me and every other highly superior non-fresher) judging you.

Is Lizzie just being mean? Our Features Editor disagrees with her- check out her side here!