Lockhart: The Pros and Cons of Goodbye Sex

Each day this week The Tab will be introducing a new column, starting with single 3rd year Ben Lockhart. He’s talking goodbye sex.

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Until recently I had a girlfriend. There was a time when we were the darlings of our friendship group, and all seemed right with the world. But then, as is often the case, things started to trundle downhill, resentment and mistrust crept in, and in the end it became increasingly clear that it had to end.

I met up with her in my hometown to give back all her belongings, which had decorated my room for nearly two years – a rather awkward affair. What if I couldn’t adapt to this brave new world of inter-gender pitfalls?

As I started to drive away, and arranged to meet up with a pal to drown my sorrows, I received the text so often hoped for: “do you want to do it one last time? We probably ought to xx.” Result, I thought. Sex!

The text so often hoped for: we should probably do it one last time

An hour and a bottle of Sancerre lifted from my dad’s wine collection later, we were doing the deed. She had brought her A-game, and to her credit what excellent game it was. But then something clicked. Was this an attempt to get me back? The two kisses, instead of a more reluctant one, at the end of the text led me to believe that the answer might just be a yes.

On balance, undeniably rather selfishly, it did seem like it was probably a good idea. Not only had I scored, but I had also affirmed that we should no longer be together. The spark had gone and this was just like the first time we had slept together all over again, just without the promise of what might follow. She had become emotionally somebody who, for that night, I could just physically enjoy. For her however, it was probably the opposite.

In the end, one always has a choice and must weigh up the pros and cons of goodbye sex for both parties, but in this instance, five months of bickering had drawn to a close and the relationship was definitively over.

The main thing, above all else, is to consider your partners feelings – especially the feelings of renewed hope and ideas about a future together that you may well not want. For me, the foreboding line of “I hope we can still be friends” was a less than desirable offer. We broke up, there was a reason for it, and a re-enactment of our relationship as best friends without the physical or amorous nature, hashing out the same problems we had as a couple again and again seemed a pointless waste of breath and an invitation only to the most awkward of circumstances.

Everyone needs time to heal, and after months of rehearsals and bad excuses, the moment to leave was most definitely then. And anyway, as my friend’s dad once told me many years ago, ‘the best way to get over a girl is to get under another. Or several. Several is better.’