How to… Survive a Nightmare Flat

For many, the first year flat is a haven of culinary genius, boundless antics and never ending yells of “Down it Fresher!”.

But not everyone is this lucky.

If mouldy pans, awkward kitchen exchanges and unidentified milk thieves sound more familiar, then fear not. While flat bliss is not always a realistic dream, there are things the savvy fresher can do to avoid a situation where hiding in your room and living off pot noodles prepared with lukewarm sink water is the only option.

If your polite requests to the guy next door who insists on blasting out unholy forms of Dubstep at 5am are unsuccessful, then it is probably wise to contact your senior resident. If, however, his love of all things drum and bass is relentless, then I advise you invest in a pair of foam earplugs. These, or simply some cotton wool, could be slumber’s saviour in a nightmare flat.

If the amount of food going missing in your flat is beginning to warrant a Panorama investigation then there is preventative action which can be taken. The obvious is, of course, to lock the majority of your food in your cupboard. But when it comes to expensive foods which need to be kept chilled, there are still strategies which can be employed. My advice would be to freeze your meat, as frozen foods are less readily thieved than those which can be easily poached and cooked straight from the fridge. If the flat beef burglar (NB: The Tab does not endorse shameful puns) has to search through the freezer and defrost your items before cooking them, then they may be deterred.

Not a strategy endorsed by The Tab…

As for milk, the item most frequently stolen in halls, always make sure you initial your carton. In truly desperate times you may wish to draw a line indicating the amount left when you last used it so that the thief knows you are aware of their activities. But unfortunately, there is little which can be done to entirely prevent it from being stolen.

If it has reached the stage where you would rather spend a fiver eating in The Campus Kitchen every night than face the inhabitants of your flat even to microwave some soup, then avoidance is the only policy. Join societies, work in the library and get yourself a bus pass to allow regular visits into town if you want to spend as much time away from halls as possible. If you are on friendly terms with any nearby flats then this can provide you with the liberating option to cook elsewhere (as long as they are, of course, agreeable and you don’t dump them with your mouldy pans…).

If things in your flat are truly nightmarish though, you should consider contacting the UEA Accommodation Office. They may be able to help you out with noise complaints and other issues and occasionally they are able to relocate students who are really struggling to other flats if there are vacancies.

You can contact UEA Accomodation by email ([email protected]), by phone (01603 592092) or simply just pop into their office next to the UFO.