A Rough Guide To Drunken Sport At UEA
Marco Bell enlightens us to the delightful world of alcohol-induced sport.
Sport, when drunk, is rather fun. And at UEA you’re not short of ideal settings for sporting stupidity. Here are some Do’s and Don’ts to get you started.
1. Kitchen tables, you all have one, or at least should have. If not you might want to contact accommodation sometime soon. Because Beer Pong, which might just be an Olympic Sport come Rio 2016, is a perfect way to start the night.
2. Having steamed through five pints and multiple tequila’s, embark on a run round campus, finishing up at the square and climbing the steps with as much swagger as the 118 guys. Cue either jubilant celebrations and adoring fans at the LCR or a can of Strongbow flying your way.
3. Best played in the Ziggurat hallways, using some mouldy kitchen utensils for stumps, the flat weirdo’s lightsaber for a bat and an orange for a ball, recreate the 20/20 World Cup, whilst being bowled by a leg spinner suspiciously close to the face.
4. Have a game of pool, a little gem within the Union Bar. Once drunk it can be a real struggle to pot those damn balls. Onlookers desperately wait for you to pot the black, sighing each time you chip the white off the table. Still, it’s great fun for you and at least you get your money’s worth. And if you’re still sharper than ever after some serious consumption you’ll have an audience to impress.
5. Get together on the area between the Ziggurat’s and sweat all the alcohol out with a game of Rugby or Football.
1. Everyone has heard about the cows. And, especially when drunk, everyone will want to see them. If you do go on an adventure to find them and succeed, resist the temptation for a game of bucking bronco or failing that, Spanish style bullfighting. You won’t get much participation from these ones.
2. Swim in the lake. UEA won’t treat the matter too kindly. Besides drunken swims never quite live up to anticipation and the lake isn’t the cleanest.
3. If there are any hunters or shooters within the ranks, keep your desires intact. We love the little rabbits hopping about campus and so if the whiskey goes to one’s head, flat mates please step in, and let them go to town taking pot shots at the blow up doll.
4. For those into their eccentric sports, UEA should come with a warning sign. Skydivers and rock climbers alike, it might seem a good idea to climb the Ziggurat’s at first glance. Or indeed dive off the top. With so much concrete around though, one should avoid such attempts.
5. The Ryder Cup was quite the spectacle. So 18 holes, having completed a gruelling episode of pub golf, would be a fitting tribute. However with suspect teeing off, the lake is going to be the only new home for your golf balls.