UEA Triathlon smashes Cumbrian Trail Plus event

Weekend away in the Lake District? How about 20 gruelling miles of off-road mountain triathlon…

UEA Triathlon Club is highly competitive. In the sense that they are about as good as anyone at what they do, and also that they compete relentlessly at everything. 

On Friday two groups left from UEA to travel to Cumbria – the first group at left 2pm, waiting for the second group to leave at about 6pm before ringing them up to ask why they were so far behind, and to casually point out that the ‘fast group’ was obviously going to ‘win’.

The ‘fast group’ promptly got to the hostel, cooked and ate all the food, cut the word ‘winner’ out of a newspaper, stuck it to the door, hid the pillows of the people coming later, and then went to bed. This small taster will probably suffice to describe the rest of the weekend. Banter tastes poor reheated, but I can assure you that the weekend was an 'all-you-can-eat' affair.
 

Race day was stunning, beginning at 7am with lots of porridge and the intimidation of mountain bikers with UEA Triathlon tracksuits. Then to Grizedale Forest, and race prep: arranging transition and reaching the crucial ‘appropriately psyched’ mind-set. That was pretty easy.

What followed was harder. The format was run-bike-run-canoe-run with distances approximately 1.4miles/14miles/3.2miles/.5mile/3.2miles. Not especially far, or challenging (or so you might think), but the terrain was rough and the elevation mind-altering. With the aid of some Garmin altitude and satellite location data, I can just about recall how the race went. The rest was lost in a blur of lactic acid and pain.

The team I was in – which would eventually finish 5th – included Rich‘Sargent’ McLellan, Dennis ‘For the Ladies’ Chung (Winner : Rep of the Year at the Union Awards) and me.

We started strong on the steep first run, then back down to the transition. We grabbed our bikes, and with no change of specialist footwear, began the section in second place.

The bike route consisted of back-breaking ‘hill’ (mountain) climbs followed by ‘technical’ (insane) descents on which we would be passed by highly skilled technical mountain bikers; who we would then re-overtake on the climbs.

After a very brief stint leading – when the team ahead (also UEA Tri) had a brief technical problem with one of their bikes – we completed the bike section somewhere in the top 5.
 

Once off the bikes, the run route went immediately up to the top of, over and down a thousand foot/300 metre peak. We started up the rocky, wet route, and, after time and space had moved in a manner impossible to describe, complete with immobilising cramp, retching, trying to run up steep rock stairs and breathe, run, not fall, and keep running, and breathing, and keep pushing ahead… we arrived at the canoe section. Phew.

This was essentially a five minute sit-down and cramp-up break, with the chance to work your upper body, and a much needed opportunity to splash yourself with cold water. Then back over the mountain.

So easy and quick for you to read. I type ‘back over the mountain’ in seconds with barely any movement: it was hell but steeper.

The finish line would have been a welcome sight but for fellow UEA Tri members already waiting for us. Congratulations to Jonny ‘Ironlad’ Davies, Phil ‘Bailiff’ Hines and Adam ‘Sailing-is-not-a-sport’ Swallow for2nd place, and Becky Layland, Nicky Coombs and Jenny Graham for2nd in the women’s event.

Team name highlights from the results sheet included ‘SorryMoust-Dache’, ‘Haggis Attack’, ‘unathletico madras’, ‘Mileage a Trois’, and ‘"why do I let you talk me into this shit"’ in addition to our less witty ‘For the ladies’, ‘I’ve planked with Dennis’ and ‘UEA Female Team Win’.
 

The rest of the weekend consisted of an extended barbeque and much needed relaxation. Moral of the story: everything is better when multiplied by 3; and if you go on holiday with UEA Tri, make sure you’re in the fast group.