A night in with Take Me Out

It's that time of the week we've all been waiting for – when we get to hear the infamous words 'No likey – no lighty!'

First guy down the Love Lift is Mikey, a scuba diving instructor from Wrexham. All thirty girls leave their lights on based entirely on his looks, although not in quite the way you would expect. Paddy goes over to have a chat with Katie B who tells him that she rather likes Mikey’s knees.

Yes, that’s right. His knees. Paddy then goes over to hear Lucy’s opinion who asks to look at his hands. No comment. Mike’s third round consists of him dancing in his scuba diving gear, which I personally found amusing. At the end, it’s down to Merlisa, a slightly scary looking girl, and Jamie, a girl I hadn’t particularly noticed until this episode. It’s a good thing that Mikey ends up choosing Jamie though, because it’s revealed that Merlisa has an obsession with biting people!
 

Next up we have Jit from London who performs a rather cringe-worthy rap, accompanied with an acoustic guitar. Any sign of the guys making a fool of themselves on this show and the girls are very quick to turn off their lights. Only five girls are still interested after this. It’s not looking good – could we possibly have a “blackout” this week? After telling us that his car is called Trudy following an encounter on a night out with an exotic dancer of the same name, there is one girl left who by default has to go on a date with him. After eleven weeks of being on the show, wallflower Gracie is going to the Isle of Fernandos!

Kenny from Belfast is next up to face the thirty picky ladies and gets off to a good start, despite his questionable fashion choices. His shoes in particular are dodgy, although Paddy tries to defend them as being like “sexy gondolas”. In his video, he’s revealed to be a hair transplant consultant, which may have creeped a lot of the girls out. If that wasn’t enough, in the third round his friend tells everyone that Kenny has a secret to how good he looks…he gets Botox injections! We’re treated to a lovely clip of the needles going into his skin. The last two girls standing are Becca and Nicki, who couldn’t be more different. Kenny chooses Becca, whose nickname is apparently “Dave”. We don’t receive an explanation for why this is. Moving on…

The last guy of the night is Billy from Essex, who receives a few bizarre comments from the girls. Blue-haired Charlie is asked why she turned her light off and she replies that she feels hungry looking at him. She apparently just wants to go for a “munch” down at the bakery because his shoes remind her of pasties and his bald head is like an iced bun. Paddy mimes to the audience that she’s had a little too much to drink. Enough said! Billy is revealed to be a fish merchant, which worries one girl about how his fingers smell. He gets Paddy to give them a sniff to prove her wrong. Honestly, it’s not like Billy is going to rock up to a date having not washed after being on the job!

In the third round, we are treated to a fish stall sequence where Billy has to identify several types of fish. Eleven girls are whittled down to three. Why? It’s not like they didn’t already realise that he was a fish merchant. After two cheesy answers from the two remaining girls involving fishing puns, he chooses Emma.

Like last week, the dates on the Isle of Fernandos do not go well at all. Ben and Jude go water zorbing for their date, which, quite frankly, looks amazing! However, they find out at dinner that he’s 19 and she’s 27. Here’s a thought – why doesn’t TMO get the guys on the show to say not only their name, but their age too? Then we wouldn’t have this problem.

Stephanie is rather surprisingly revealed to be only 19, which creates an even bigger age gap as Charles is 38. He rather insultingly tells us that he is pleased to see that Stephanie is not as big as he thought she was. Keen to flash his cash some more, he gives her a necklace. Rather awkward because she tells us that she doesn’t feel any romance.

However, the biggest disappointment was Charlotte and Renny’s date because I had high hopes for them. Much to Charlotte’s dismay, Renny spends most of the date talking about himself and barely asks her anything.

Number of guys I would have left my light on for: 1 (Mikey)
Paddy’s best line: “Let the salad see the cream!”