Having a Birthday Bash? Better expect to get Annihilated then!

Birthdays at uni seem to fall somewhere between mass celebration and ritual humiliation. “Congratulations, you’re a year older! Let’s get you royally pissed”.

And I’m not talking having-trouble-walking-in-a-straight-line pissed. I’m talking you-probably-won’t-even-make-it-out pissed. After all, who wants to actually remember their birthday?

The famed dirty pint has a lot to do with this. The fact that you’re slumped over the kitchen table resisting the urge to vomit is most likely due to the strange concoction of spirits, beer, wine and other questionables such as pepper and vinegar you were forced to drink to the sound of “We link to drink with -!” and “Get it down you Zulu warrior!”

What exactly is it that means we enjoy inflicting such utter carnage on someone on their special day? In our defence, we’ve donated our much prized alcohol in the hope that they have a memorable (if resultantly forgettable) night, and we’ll hold back their hair/give them a shoulder to cry on if it comes to it. So what if we rigged Ring of Fire so they’d lose? What are friends for?

Fancy dress is usually the attire of choice on such occasions, and in all likelihood you’re currently sporting a flashing birthday badge as big as your face and have a piece of paper taped to your bag with “Shag me! It’s my birthday!” scrawled in felt tip. The general aura of invincible birthdayness also gives you an amazing sense of confidence, in which you feel no shame in begging free drinks, free entrance, free taxis and hugs off total strangers. If you’re a girl this usually pays off. If you’re a boy you’re more likely to be told to fuck off.

The morning comes and you greet your new year of life with an outsized hangover and only a blurry recollection of bouncers forcibly ejecting you from a club. Probably you got with someone you shouldn’t have and you’ve just realised your currently playing little spoon to a flatmate of the same sex.

You probably won’t be telling your mum about this particular night and there may be a heavy de-tagging session awaiting you on Facebook. But hey – you’re only young once. And as birthdays go this was definitely one for the books.