I’m a sex-toy salesman

I love sex – what man doesn’t? Samantha Jones is my spirit animal. So having a job where I essentially sell sex every day to the public is pretty damn great.

No – I’m not a prostitute. I’m a Sales Consultant for Ann Summers.

When people hear the brand Ann Summers mentioned they tend to think of one of two things: lingerie or sex toys.

It’s still seen by many to be a shop that caters solely for the needs and wants of women. But as the only man in the North East to work for Ann Summers, I can guarantee this is simply not true. 

There is no differentiation between the works that I or my colleagues perform because of our genders.

We fit bras (I recently did one for Geordie Shore’s Charlotte Crosby) and advise on sex toys and “sexcessories” – our job is the same as any other retailer in the country, except that certain items that we sell are a bit more novel.

Being a male sales consultant for Ann Summers does sometimes raise a few eyebrows from members of the public.

If I’m ever at the front of the store to greet customers, I often hear from some teenage boy: “He’s well lucky to work there, bet he loves it.”

I do love my job, but not because I’m some perverted letch. The majority of the customers, as you’d expect, are women.

And most are very comfortable being served by me – especially when they realise that I’m a flaming homosexual.

I’ve actually been very surprised and warmed by the number of women who have welcomed the chance to be served by me. And some even ask to only be served by me because they feel intimidated asking my female colleagues for advice.

But there are also times I have been shunned by a customer because I’m a man. I hear the phrase “why would I want advice on a vibrator from a bloke” quite often.

The reality of this is that I receive the same training as my female colleagues, and as someone who has always been very open minded when it comes to sex, I’m a safe bet when it comes to asking for advice.

I try and keep a look out for male customers as my experience has shown me that they are the most nervous customers; and can be easily scared off.

I commend the men that come into the store looking for items to please and treat their partners to – it shows forward thinking and a modern view that buying your partner a sex toy doesn’t mean that you’re inadequate in bed, it means you want to please her as much is humanly possible.

I’ve also found that in my job I’ve been able to reassure men that sex toys exist for their pleasure too, and that they should embrace all that we have to offer.

I often get the “that toy is massive” or “that cock ring will never fit around my member” – and I have to give the guys a reality check about average penis size and the fact that silicone stretches.

There have been some very amusing interactions with customers, most notably the flirting (from the customers not from me, I am a professional thank you.)

I remember sorting out some lingerie at the till when a 74 year old woman being served by a colleague looked over at me and said “ooer, I wish he’d have done my bra-fit”.

I wasn’t bemused that she’d said the comment in the most sexual voice (or as sexual a voice as a pensioner can make) – I was actually impressed that she still clearly had, for want of a better word, spunk.

On Valentines Day, which happens to be one of our busiest days of the year for Ann Summers, I had a particularly interesting encounter with a customer who happened to be deaf.

There was some difficulty in our communication, but we found what she wanted to treat her partner.

Just before she left the store with her purchases she came over to be, spanked me and mouthed “thank you” – not your average day in retail, but a pretty standard shift for me.

I would say the only downside of my job is that it makes buying gifts slightly awkward. Despite the fact that I am very open minded when it comes to sex, not all of my friends are.

I once bought a friend a pair of handcuffs and a bullet for her birthday and she was less than impressed and has never taken them out of the bag.

Buying family members gifts presents an even more awkward situation. Although I have a very open and honest relationship with my parents, I draw the line at buying either party marital aids or genitalia-shaped confectionery

I’ve even told my granny I work for Topman; if she knew the truth I think it might kill her.