The top ten gifts to buy any future Jesmond girl this Christmas
You already know the Nuptuse North Face is gonna be at number one
Every Newcastle student knows exactly who the Jesmond girl is. She’s most likely to be found smoking a rollie in the outside area of Blanc and probably lives on Cavendish Place – the iconic Jesmond gal has racked up quite the repertoire for how to spot her.
From vintage sweatshirts to a classic set of strip lights to glow up her dingy cream bedroom walls, we have your back on how to gift the future generations of Jesmond girls this festive season.
A North Face puffer jacket
Extra brownie points if you can secure the unreal brown one Kendall Jenner wore recently. A North Face puffer is a staple for any Jesmond girl. She’ll wear it to the Robbo, Blanc and Jesmond Dene – you’ll find the streets of the Jesmond we love laced in girls wearing a North Face, most likely bought in about 3 sizes larger than their normal size for the added effect. A classic but let’s face it, they’re so comfy and any girl looks peng in them.
A pair of white linen trousers
White linen trousers are another fashion staple. Complementary to the puffer jacket, a pair of white trousers are gold dust to a Jesmond girl. You’re most likely to find these trousers for about 40 quid on the Depop account of a gal based in West London. Despite being on the decline during the winter months, buying your Jesmond girl a pair of these bad boys will ensure they look banging on their debut trip to Osbornes on £2 Tuesdays come September.
Air Force Ones
No longer are Air Force Ones the stompers of thirteen-year-old girls on TikTok, university girls are dominating the game when it comes to these beauties. Unlike the previous owners of this trend, desperate to keep them clean and unwilling to have a crease in the shoe, our girls want them wrecked before use. The muddier the better with this, so maybe take them on a stroll in the Dene before handing them over to give them the real Jesmond baptism they need.
A twist to the clothes they influence the streets in, an incense burner is a classic choice for your stocking filler this Christmas. Mask the scent of the baccy they’ve just smoked out of their window and invite them to disguise it with the sweet smell of an incense stick, most likely with a spiritual name. You can find these at any sort of Sunday market (we bet Tynemouth market have an abundance). The burner will look sick next to their tapestry and the buddha on their windowsill they bought on their spiritual awakening in Cambodia on their gap yah.
A blonde box dye kit
Almost every Jesmond girl has blonde hair or blonde highlights – we’re sorry but it’s just a fact. Extra points if you buy them an elasticated y2k headband to wear to give it the ultimate je ne sais quoi.
Oh, you thought we were done with the clothing? No Christmas list for a Jesmond newcomer would be complete without a pair of flares. Ideally, your gal needs at least two: the Topshop black flared ones doing bits with their white Air Force for lectures, and a funky animal print pair, most likely off Aliexpress (a really good dupe for Motel Rocks) for a night out.
A Tesco Club Card
This isn’t just for your Jesmond girls – literally every student needs one of these. The club card is a student holy grail, even more so now everything is cheaper for club cardholders. If you ever needed that motivation to walk past Waitrose that little bit further to reach Tesco and wait in the frustratingly long queue, this is it. Double whammy now the self-service machines have those cameras above, so they can get a banging Insta story pic on their visit.
A bottle of white wine
The cheaper the better: if their alcohol palette hasn’t adapted to £4 bottles of Sauvignon Blanc from Londis by Leazes in freshers, it most certainly will by year two. Electricity bills looming, nothing will become better than Mr V’s having distant wines on offer for a fiver – a true Jesmond classic.
A fluffy bag
Every girl in Jesmond owns one of these and that’s a fact.
Neon Strip Lights
We all knew this was coming. If who you are buying for hasn’t christened a set of these in their halls this year, it’s time to upgrade their interior design standards and join the infinite amount of Jesmond girls decorating their dingy student rooms with neon pink lighting. Accompany with plenty of polaroids (and if you’re feeling fancy a set of curtain fairy lights) and your girl is good to go. Pres photos will never be the same again, and they have never looked this good.
Congrats, you have just single-handedly ensured a rebirth of our future Jesmond residents owning the exact same items as their predecessors, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.