The eight stages of pulling an all-nighter that every student can relate to

Desperate times call for even more desperate measures

We’ve all been there. Or at least, the un-organised, procrastinating students amongst us have. Three weeks to do an essay and suddenly it’s the night before and there’s still a mountain left to climb. Well, they didn’t say diamonds are made under pressure for nothing…

Here are the eight stages that you are guaranteed to go through during the marathon.

1. Just chillin’

It’s 4pm. Still bright outside, and you’re sitting in the collaborative study area of the Marj. Feeling pretty relaxed and confident you’ll get this essay finished in a few hours. How long can an essay on my opinion really take?

2. Distraction in action

6pm and you’ve not got much further (approximately 60 words further) as you spotted a few of your mates and spent the past while sharing gossip and laughing non-stop until the evil looks from other students calmed you into subordination. Right, yes, this essay. Crack on.

3. Uber Eats anyone??

Your belly is rumbling so loud that you simply cannot concentrate anymore, and so it’s perfectly justifiable to spend over an hour deliberating, dithering and finally deciding on a takeaway order to sneak into the library. Well deserved – you wrote another 100 words!

4. The Late, Late (oh no) Show

It’s getting close to 11pm and as the students continue to trickle out of the library home, you begin to realise how much of this mountain of work there still is to do. The realisation of how screwed you are hits further when the Marj announces it’s soon closing. Oh, to go back to 4pm!! Time to relocate to the Robbo and drag yourself down to the silent study to really get your head down to work.


5. Panic! At The Robbo

Wasting more time calculating the pure minimum grade you need to pass and how much percentage wise this essay is worth of your overall year grade. Further panicking and deliberating the possibility of coming up with a somewhat believable excuse to submit a last minute PEC. But my favourite couple got booted off Love Island last night… I really couldn’t concentrate…

6. Raid against the Vending Machine

Ah, the bitter taste of salty tears in your empty coffee cup. Hating on yourself for being such a procrastinator and spending over an hour watching Tik Toks in between yawns and further cups off coffee. The vending machines have been fully raided and your body has never experienced such a caffeine overload. But we’re getting there. 400 words to go…

7. Is that daylight?!

It’s 6am and you’ve just about finished the last line of your conclusion. A quick proof read of your essay through barely open eyes and you’re good to go. Heading up to the entrance level of the Robbo to get a stapler and doing a double take… is that daylight outside?!

8. Pack it up, Turnitin

Jump around! Jump around! Your essay is finally, at long last, submitted. 2,000 word essay in one night? Completed it mate. Time to go home and have a very long snooze. Never putting yourself through this stress again… until another 6 weeks time.

P.S. Did you even do an assignment if you don’t post your Turnitin receipt on your snapchat story??