We asked Newcastle students to show us the best note on their phone and it’s jokes

The notes app: a modern necessity to note down important bits of random information that you are probably never going to look at again. From conspiracy theories to body counts, we sincerely apologise to Steve Jobs for Newcastle Uni students and their misuse of the iPhone notes app, which has become much more than just a handy everyday commodity.

Molly, 2nd Year Biomedical Science

“During my time at Uni I have accumulated a group of awful friends, who say even more awful things. So I took it upon myself to take notes in case I ever feel like ruining their lives (or if by some miracle one of them becomes famous and I’m a bit low on cash – which realistically, I absolutely will be.)

“A few of my personal favourites are:

‘Is Ket calorific?’ (can anyone answer this?)

‘They all said I was rude to her. I could’ve drowned her in the pool, that would have been fucking rude.’ (she still stands by it)

‘I had to change my screensaver, I was chopping my drugs up on my phone and my Mum’s my lockscreen.’ (priorities)

‘I need to go on the ski trip so I can learn young, ready for my rich husband. So it’s not actually a trip… it’s an investment.’ (nice one)”

Unfortunately the vast majority have been kept under lock and key for legal purposes.

Georgia, 2nd Year Journalism, Media and Cultural Studies

Have you been on and off Snapchatting with someone for over two weeks now? Well, it’s probably getting serious; serious enough to update your list of potential baby names?

“My favourite one is Penelope for a girl and Arlo for a boy. Every girl has a secret list of baby names on her phone and if she says that she doesn’t…. well she’s a liar.

Let’s be honest: the names change depending on who you’re with and what their last name is, very peak times when your favourite baby name doesn’t go well with your future husbands’ name.”

So rude, probably enough reason to find a new boo.

Anonymous, 3rd Year

Grocery lists on your notes? So boring and last decade. In 2020, we’re keeping track of absolutely everything.

“I decided it was only fair to utilise my notes app to keep track of my antics. The good, the bad, and luckily only a few of the ugly.

If I ever fall pregnant or find myself lumbered with an STI (touch wood, pun intended) at least I will have a rough idea of who to sue or whether it’s worth a round 2.”

Ellen, 2nd Year Journalism, Media and Cultural Studies

“Do you ever get sick of the music in a club and just want that ONE song that makes it GO OFF? (shoutout to Alex the apparent quiet one from Love Island 2018, we love you)

When the music is so piercingly loud you can’t even hear yourself think, let alone slur to the DJ what song you want, have no fear – the notes app will save your life.”

DJ PLAY DANCE WIV ME DIZZEE RASCAL PLSSSSSSSS

Bex, 2nd Year Politics and History student

“You know those weird thoughts you get in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep? Those haunting realisations that make you question the meaning of life and your whole existence?

A day doesn’t go by without a whacky conspiracy and it’s only fair that I write these down, so I can be the first to prove that Bush did 9/11.”

These are some of our favourite notes found on Bexs’ phone:

‘Are the Kardashians being kept hostage by the government as an attempt to control society?’

‘Who is Mr. OOPS and can he be my sugar daddy?’

In conclusion, your iPhone notes are probably worth more than all your lecture notes combined. They contain memories, mistakes (RIP to the long paragraphs that I may or may not have sent to my ex) and many useless grocery lists (shoutout to Deliveroo).

P.S. Did you know that you can lock your notes? Because honestly some things are better left for only your eyes to see (apart from all the nice girls who volunteered to be in this article, we stan).