Here’s why Bacchus in Bishop’s Stortford is undeniably the worst hometown club in the UK

Stortford has SO many clubs to choose from


The standard for free clubs is quite low, but somehow Bacchus seems to lower that just a little bit further. But being Stortford's only club, it's packed every night, especially when everyone's home from uni.

It's time to admit it, it's an awful club and we all love to hate Bacchus, but we'll end up there soon.

You're bound see everyone you know

Stortford is tiny as it is, mix that with one club and nothing to do apart from Bacchus, the Star or B'Lion and you're bound to see everyone you know on a night out. Everyone from school who you were sure you'd never see again will be there every Friday night without a doubt.

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Why does every guy need to keep his coat on?

Everywhere you look, you'll see a guy still in his coat. Are you cold? And, nine times out of ten, it'll be a black puffer coat. They all seem to stand in groups too, and never seem to smile, maybe it's a coat thing.

You've got to start queuing by 10:30

If you don't start queuing before then, you'll be stood shivering by the old McDonalds for god knows how long. People are so keen to get in, but why?

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The unexplainable props

Ok, this one I can't explain. Somehow, Bacchus likes to one up itself with how weird it gets, does anyone else remember the inflatable fruit they had once? What purpose do they have, and who's idea was it?

Why are they there? I have so many questions.

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You'll be dancing with people of all ages

The age range in Bacchus is huge. You look one way, and your friend is dancing with a 50 year old, look the other way and another friend is with your mate's little sister. There's no telling how old anyone is in there – some questionable ones that's for sure.

The performers are wild

Everyone remembers the time they hired dwarfs dressed as elves for Christmas, it was iconic. But, why do they insist on bringing the strangest performers in, like what kind of club hires a man dressed as a plant, or the Christmas pudding women?

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The floor is always sticky

Like many clubs, the floors are two inches deep with drink. Never even think of wearing white shoes, or any nice shoes, they'll be dirty and sticky within two minutes of walking in.

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The questionable themed nights

Bacchus loves a good theme. Whether it's a UV night, a Christmas night, Valentines or even just… paint. You can rely on Bacchus for a weird theme, but you can bet everyone gets super involved in it.