I spent a night at Durham Uni and this is what happened
I got a life ban from the worst night club in Europe
We've all heard the rumours about Durham nights out, so to test the theory of it being a boring, posh and tame soirée compared to Newcastle, I spent an evening at Durham Uni and honestly, it was the WEIRDEST experience of my life.
This was NOT a Newcastle pres.
Students at Durham drink Aperol Spritz at pres with ice in wine glasses. Posh. They also play French jazz music and discuss Brexit and gap yahs in Argentina – not quite like a good game of ring of fire before a tactical chunder at the West Jesmond Metro station.
At Durham, pres is a more civilised affair where the aim is not to drink your whole body weight in alcohol! Imagine?!
I was definitely the only one downing drinks (hope you're proud Dad), meanwhile everyone else sipped on Aperol and red wine whilst debating the gentrification of South African accents. TAKE ME BACK TO NEWCASTLE!
The next stop: College bars
At Durham each college has their own college bar where students can indulge in some very cheap drinks (probably another Aperol Spritz tbh). The actual bar was pretty cool too with cheap drinks – we love a £2 pint. But it was definitely clique, full of Surrey girls and boys from Royal Tunbridge Wells.
"What Oxbridge college were you rejected from?" was everyone's introductory question after "hello" and "how are you?"
The spoons in Durham is also a nightclub
Next up was a trip to Spoons.
The Spoons turns into a nightclub in Durham and sadly it also happens to be the best club in Durham. Can't really complain with Spoons prices, but really it was just another Mile Castle – basic.
Now it was time for the most anticipated part of the night. It was time to get "knee deep in Klute". Klute is famously known for being the worst night club in Europe and basically Durham's only real club, so I was very curious.
At this point I was pretty drunk – blame Spoons and the fact I pre like a Newcastle student. As a result, I WAS DENIED ENTRY TO KLUTE.
I allegedly walked into the wall whilst standing in the queue, which, tbh, I probably would have done sober.
In fairness to the bouncers they were rather nice guys but me being me, I decided to act like a feral animal and demanded they let me in. Honestly, a Newcastle bouncer would have just let me in, probably would have even high-fived me for being so drunk.
However, they did not let me in. Instead, they actually barred me for LIFE!!!
And I got a life ban from the worst nightclub in Europe
It was definitely time to go back home to the Toon.
I spent a night at Durham uni and I have one word for you – POSH. Even the bouncers are posh when they are enforcing their life time bans. It even made me miss the Newcastle rahs.
We have it very good.