Jesmond, Geordie Shore and trebs: All the things you’ll find to be true when you move to Newcastle uni

You can get five avocados in Grainger Market for £1!!!!

Girls choose hypothermia over a coat on a night out

Bringing your coat out during Freshers' is a rookie mistake, we have all been there and look back in shame. How did we survive?

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Been there, done that

The weather fluctuates as much as the pound sterling

Will you bring your sunnies or your raincoat? A never-ending cycle.

It still doesn't actually rain as much as you thought it would

Surprise, although you learn to embrace the northern weather, the sun actually does come out from time to time.

You will not become Geordie Shore famous

Ypu won't randomly bump into the Geordie Shore lot on a night out and make a quick cameo on the show and earn bragging rights for the rest of your uni life.

Trebles are NOT as cheap as you thought

Three trebs for a fiver does not exist. Volunteering to buy drinks for all your mates is not a good idea #regrets.

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Brain: don't say it don't say it don't say it don't say it – Me: two trebs and a Jägerbomb pls

Freshers' Week isn't THAT great

You're probably not going to find your best mates for life in the first week of uni, you will however get drunk with random people at random pres and never see them again. Also don't spend £70 on a wristband please.

You won't go to Aldi as much as you wish you would

You told yourself you would trek to Aldi once a week to do your big weekly shop. Instead, you order Tesco home delivery – those extra five quid won't make a difference you tell yourself, although that is the biggest lie of the century.

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Mid-Aldi shop, wish that was me


The highlight of your first few months in the Toon will be your first visit to Grainger Market. No more shedding tears over not being able to afford smashed avo on toast!

Your deepest aspiration will be to become a rah

As much as you talk shit about the rahs who live in Leazes, your deepest longing is to secretly become one. Everyday you're typing in "flared trousers" in your ASOS search bar to feed your desire.

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Depiction of the perfect man

Coats will become your obsession

Never did you think that you would become a coat expert during your time in Newcastle. You have asked "wow that coat is cute, where is it from?" too many times, you can now spot a Primark and a North Face puffa from miles away.

Jesmond is the place to be

Looking for social suicide? Live in Heaton for second year, we dare you.

We don't like Northumbria Uni

You don't know why but that's just the way it is. We try and be mates with them but there is some inherent hatred that we can't let go.

"Northumbria Uni" in the Tinder bio = immediate left swipe.

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Boy Bye!

Your new best friend is Greg(gs)

It's there for you wherever you are, whenever you need it and what's better than a Greggs sausage roll especially when you can have it 24 hours a day?

How important pre-drinks are

Your whole student loan (£5) for a SINGLE vodka mixer in Digi??? nO ThAnKyOu.

"Fuck it let's just go Soho"

Most overheard phrase of all times, no explanation needed.