Which Peep Show character is your Newcastle halls?

Choosing accommodations at Newcastle Uni can leave you feeling totally, totally fucked. But don't you worry. Ditch the sugar-coated blandness of the information leaflets in favour of these highly relatable comparisons.

Castle Leazes – Super Hans

Leazes is basically a huge competition to who can find the edgiest garms ranging back to the far side of the noughties.

Take Hans , a basic perfect fit for such a premise. Occupying a wardrobe full of Depop's finest moth-eaten clobber, his swaggering walk certainly turns heads on the paths snaking around Leazes.

Oh, and the small matter of drug habits. Find copious amounts of Hans' encircled in small groups just beyond the blue gates enjoying the regular relaxing smoke.

The View – Big Suze

Ah, Suze. The classic case of the posh student seeking to muffle the echo of the family estate, assimilating with what Granny would regard as "those not as fortunate".

See past the glimmering cleanliness and daytime tranquility of The View to find bustling pre-drinks ongoing in seemingly perfectly sized common rooms.

See past the poshness and daytime sensibility of The View's Big Suze's to find they have upscaled from you and your flat to an immense clan of rahs come January.

Leazes Parade – Jez

The more "sensible" member of the Hair Blair Bunch represents this annex of Castle Leazes peering over at the garish antics of its bigger brother.

Like Jez, your balance of time split between the homely orderliness of your shared flat and the regular visits to the Hans’ of Castle Leazes becomes so heavy in the latter you eventually, and repeatedly end up back at square one, behind in every aspect of your university life.

Maybe life coaching really isn't for you.

Bowsden Court – Gerard

Lingering around the souls of the more inner-city accommodations can be found Gerard.

Partly due to innocent social awkwardness, more due to the fact that once you venture out of Bowsden the distance is so great you might as well make a day out of it.

Harsh perhaps. I'm sure you can make interesting talk out of something other than your illness or vast collection of Diecast models.

St. Mary's College – Mark

"Yeah but isn't that a trek away? How could you be arsed?"

"Not as far as Bowsden, ha! Imagine being there", you haplessly reply at every interaction of the night.

Like Mark, you're quick to belittle others slightly worse off in spite of your own less-than-satisfactory situation. Likelihood is you're of great intellect, however your best is always hindered at the last hurdle.

Don't worry, I'm sure Durham wouldn't have been up to much scratch anyway.

Kensington Terrace – Johnson

The outlandishness of Johnson's business personality is boundless enough to steal the last of your cheese before explaining why you should've invested in Cathedral City.

Don't even think about sharing a house with him come second year. Johnson sides with your flat's plans right to the last second, ensuring each and every one of you lose your well-saved deposits.

Not his fault though. To him you are mere Turkey Fuckers in the forgotten world of JLB he has swiftly fled.

Liberty Plaza – Jeff

Smirking in a huddle of your flatmates, Jeff gives a sarcastic welcome before taking great pleasure in mocking your lack of alcohol tolerance, shown vividly over Freshers' Week.

Before long you begin to ponder whether it is the now regular humiliation or the banging construction work that is causing your irregular sleeping pattern.

Don't "piss" your pants. You'll be his manager one day for sure.

Windsor Terrace – Dobby

Dobby presents herself equidistant on the line between quirky intelligence and rather naughty fun-loving.

Windsor Terrace happens to be placed within close proximity of both libraries and the Hancock.

Choices, choices.

Park View – Sophie

You're tempted by the stories of excitement and general lack of hygiene among the walls of Castle Leazes but can never stray too far away from the warming comfort of Nana's cottage.

Wing every relationship you have with fake affection and before long fond memories of your country origins will be fittingly replaced with the empty blandness of those in your social circle.