What Christmas song is your Newcastle halls?
Ho, ho, ho
It's deadline season and you're probably dead miserable. So as a way to get you in the festive spirit, you can FINALLY find out what Christmas song your Newcastle halls is. I know, I've been waiting for this too.
Castle Leazes – Let it Snow!, Dean Martin
With all that money that Mummy and Daddy are going to give you for Christmas, what are you going to buy? A Fiat 500 in duck egg blue and all that white powder (fake snow, ofc). You've got cash to burn, so this Christmas you and your Berwick boys are going to grab your best puffa jacket and let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
The View – Santa Baby, Kylie
You're not all about the giving at Christmas time. Christmas doesn't mean time with family and going on walks before a visit to the pub with your gran. No no, for you, Christmas means you can get a tonne of presents. Like Kylie, you're after a Sugar Daddy who can buy you a ring, a yacht and an auto space convertible. And what better way to do this than to buy that sexy Santa outfit you've been desperate for and strip your way around House of Smith? Plus, you're desperate for someone to come and trim your Christmas tree.
St Marys – Silent Night, Kelly Clarkson
Just listen to the lyrics. 'All is calm, all is bright'. You're quiet, you're remote, you all sleep in heavenly peace because you don't know what going out actually is and everyone is just a little bit confused as to why you're here. Much like this traditional Christmas tune, you really belong in the past. People have tried to revamp you but its never worked – how could it when you're up against much bigger, better things? And to top it off, much like Kelly Clarkson, you're completely off the radar.
Leazes Parade – Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Jackson 5
A tricky one. You're actually pretty good tbf, but just like 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' doesn't quite live up to 'ABC', you don't quite live up to Castle Leazes. You never do things by yourself (always in groups of five or more) as you can't handle the stress. That is until you reach 30, have to go it alone and suddenly have a life crisis and try to dangle your baby off a balcony.
Verde – Last Christmas, JLS
Why would JLS even TRY and attempt to cover Wham's 'Last Christmas'??!! You're obviously never going to be able to compete with international treasure George Michael and his beautiful, silky hair. Similarly, why would you even TRY and be a student accommodation? JLS need to accept who they really are – a shitty boy band who had the occasional banger and only appealed to 12 year olds. The Verde needs to accept who they are – a hotel for the upper class, not a student accommodation.
Marris House – Feliz Navidad, Michael Buble
Like Michael Buble, you keep yourself to yourself and tend to only come out of hibernation for special occasions, a.k.a Christmas. There's festive songs out there which are probably better than this one, but it's a staple in everyone's lives. But you don't care, every December you deck the halls and jingle your bells with just as much enthusiasm as everyone else.
Bowsdon Court – Driving Home for Christmas, Chris Rea
Chris Rea had to write a song to pass the time when he was driving back home for the holidays, probably out of pure boredom. You're in a similar situation – it takes you HOURS and HOURS to get home from uni and to get back into your bed. Chris Rea's excitement at the prospect of seeing his family again after a long, hard year is exactly the same as yours when you're dreaming of your bed after sitting on that bus on the way back from a 9am. You've been dealt a bad hand in life, haven't you?
Ah, an ode to Jesmond students from the locals, the dream duet (it's no place for the old). Kirsty Maccoll is the arsey neighbour we've all had and Shane MacGowan is us. With abuse flying backwards and forwards, you wouldn't put it past one of your mates to call the grumpy old man a 'scumbag', a 'faggot' and a 'cheap lousy maggot', and the granny two doors down has called you an 'old slut on junk' when you leave cans on her doorstep. But hey, Kirsty and Shane seemed alright in the end.