Down with Mariah: We bring you your alternative Christmas playlist

Joy to the World!


Christmas: a time for tradition as we come together to celebrate the birth of our Lord and saviour, but it’s also a time for those out of work pop singers to top up their bank accounts.

Certainly this custom of over-listening to Wizzard is as rooted in our perception of the holiday season, as much as going to church and holding that orange with marshmallows jutting out on cocktail sticks. How that honours the son of God, we may never know.

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Honestly, what is this?

But I cry out "bah, Humbug!" To any person who denies that Ariana Grande’s ‘Santa Tell Me’ doesn’t get you in the spirit, or that Justin Bieber’s ‘Mistletoe’ doesn’t give you the courage to ask that brooding reindeer at the bar whether you can buy them an egg nog. Tis the season after all.

So come one, come all and give these other hits a chance! You never know, you might find a replacement to Micky Bubble…..

R Kelly – World Christmas

Following on from R. Kelly’s re-imagining of the archaic opera genre with his revolutionary ‘hip-hopera’, the rapper created another game-changer. A severely underrated RnB nod to the Christmas song, ‘World Christmas’ is a celebration of the joyous harmony that constitutes our favourite holiday.

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R. Kelly wants YOU to believe in Christmas again!

Laura Marling – Goodbye England (Covered in Snow)

For those indie folk listeners, this is the festive equivalent of Judy Garland and Mumford and Sons releasing a collaborative track. Marling’s seductive simplicity provides a relaxing alternative to the pop overload in the charts this time of year.

Jimmy Durante – Make Someone Happy

You may recognise this tune from Coke’s 2015 Christmas ad, but in spite of expectations of that advert propelling this song to the top of the Christmas charts, it still fails to rear its festive head on any Christmas albums. The fact it doesn’t actually mention making the yuletide gay and whatnot makes no difference and we happily welcome it into the Christmas canon.

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire and Santa chugging back a coke – Merry Christmas one and all!

John Rutter – The John Rutter Christmas Album

While this album certainly won’t be winning any Grammys for best original song title (e.g. ‘Nativity Carol’, ‘Donkey Carol’, ‘Shepherds pipe carol’: you get the picture), the angelic trill of the Cambridge Singers is enough to persuade even the scroogiest scrooge of the wonders of Christmas. If you like a cheeky carol with the grans, then this is for you.

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I'm pretty sure the one in the middle's fallen asleep.

Run-D.M.C. – Christmas in Hollis

My personal favourite. A refreshing break from the over-indulgent contentment of the festive season, ‘Christmas in Hollis’ is a sobering tale of discovering Santa Claus’ wallet on a park bench and mailing it back to him. As Run-D.M.C. points out, ‘I’d never steal from Santa, cause that ain’t right!’ I think that’s a beat we can all dance to.

Now I say, go forth and make new merriments and let these tunes help you experience that childish wonder all over again! Happy Holidays.

The Tab Newcastle

last seen today at 11:25

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