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The stereotypes you find in five of Newcastle’s main clubs

Castle Leazes girls hang out in Trop obv

If there’s one thing every student in Newcastle can agree on (yes, that's Newcastle and Northumbria), it’s that we must have some of the best nightlife in the country.

From the first treb in Soho, to the last cheesy chip in Toon Takeaway, you’re almost guaranteed to wake up with a banging headache and the buzz of knowing you had a great night.

The question is, which of these students head to which clubs? Whether you’re a fresher in Tiger Tiger, or a Leazes' gal in Trop, here’s the guide to the stereotypical clubber in five of Newcastle’s best nightclubs.

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If we’re going to start with the basics then Soho is top of the list because everyone loves Soho. It's hard to have one stereotype because whether you go intending to “just get a few drinks”, and end up staying the whole night, or just need somewhere to shake off the 70s after a stint in Flares, it’s definitely a staple night out in the Toon.

Whatever your choice of treb (has to be blueberry), you’ll find everyone and anyone in here having the time of their lives, and you’ll know full well none of them will remember it in the morning.

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Swingers is a world of its own where everyone forgets smoking is actually bad for you, and for some reason seems to be the only night of the week people drink Red Stripe.

One thing is for certain though: Thursday nights bring out a certain type of person – the Rah. This is where you’ll find the whole population of Castle Leazes in an array of sequins, headbands and puffer jackets. And even if you didn’t spend last year in Thailand ‘gap yah-ing’ and riding elephants, fake it till you make it – roll that cigarette, pull up those quirky socks and don’t tell anyone that your parents are investment bankers. 

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Now hold on, before anyone tells me Perdu and Bijoux should be on some article for locals only, they’re actually on here for a specific reason.

Because in the last year, I have been to Perdu once and never stepped foot in Bijoux, so why do people say they’re two of the best clubs in Newcastle?

Well, this may be because they’re both hotspots for Northumbria students and locals alike, as well as anyone from out of town who Googles "where to go out in Newcastle".

Your typical local at these two places may be impeccably dressed, smothered in fake tan, and wearing heels higher than your grades have ever been. They’re also the type of places that regularly crop up on Geordie Shore and I’m pretty sure Sam from Love Island was there a few weeks ago. So, if you’re looking for a potential 15 minutes of fame and want an excuse to dress to the nines, these might just be the clubs for you.

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It’s cheesy, the lights are way too bright and there are so many old men by the bar, but there is nothing like a bit of Dolly Parton or Cyndi Lauper to break up a shitty week.

And it has to be said, no one loves this place more than sports teams. Rowers, swimmers and even the tennis club populate Flares, and when you think you’ve seen everything Newcastle has to offer, your experience is incomplete if you haven’t seen a guy in his speedos swinging on the pole like his life depends on it.

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Finally, if there’s one place that really lives up to its name it is Cosmic. It’ll give you a high like no other and leave you feeling spaced out. It is unlike anywhere else, but is a place for everyone to spend their Tuesday nights, not least because there is never a queue at the bar strangely enough.

It’s not the best place for a sing along (in fact I’m sure people have been disgusted by the lack of rhythm in the heavy beats) but if you find that one spot in the corner with air con it might just be one of the best nights of the week.

Photo Credit: Chris Grey Photography – Soho, Max Cooper – Bijoux