What your drink says about you, according to Newcastle Cocktail Society

It’s practically scientific

Newcastle’s CockSoc President, Curtis Gladden, explains what your favourite alcoholic beverage says about you.


Definitely a keeno, yet somehow you’ve managed to avoid that weird perception. One too many Frosty Jacks and you’ll transform into the life and soul of the party. Your drunk antics have made you a big name. What should be a five minute journey along Osbourne Road takes you half an hour.

Can often be found hugging trees and being that annoying person pushing leaflets on unsuspecting victims walking past the SU. As for nights out, you can often be spotted in outrageous fancy dress outfits with a hoard of union wankers you met on Fresher’s Crew 2 years ago. When the unsuspecting DJ plays blurred lines you’ll be the one orchestrating a mass walkout – and rightly so.


The typical Newcastle Student who could happily spend the entire night without leaving the Sinners Cage. To be honest, its a miracle you have even made it into second year. You’ll be the first to admit that your life is a walking mess.

You haven’t been to lectures since October and now have three weeks to nail down a years worth of uni work. You’ve tried to make a start on the growing pile of work on your desk, but every time your mates distract you with a quick trip to The Hancock. Before you know it, you end up back in your favourite place, the Sinners cage of course.


You think you’re a rugby lad with banter to boot. In fact you’re a tad socially awkward with a hint of chauvinism. Your ideal night – Playground Wednesdays of course, except when you don’t pull you lie to your mates the next day that you bagged a Ricky Road Fresher. What’s she called? Well you were that drunk you obviously don’t remember – you woke up first thing in the morning and immediately fled the scene because she was really into you. All lies of course.

Curtis with his first pint

Strawberry Mojito

The girl on campus we all love to hate. She’s out at least five nights a week yet still manages to look fit every time. She even manages to pull it off turning up to lectures the next day at 9am with her ex-boyfriends hoodie on who she quickly realised she’d outgrown 2 weeks into freshers. She doesn’t give a shit, yet boast about performing 80% in her essay which she started the night before. What’s worse is you know she isn’t lying either.

Sex On the Beach

You’re into the finer things in life. Your parents said they would stop taking you on holiday once you reach university age. It’s now third year and a trip to The Bahamas is still part of your summer ritual. You’re an effortless fashionista on a first name basis with all the sales assistants across Northumberland Street.

When you haven’t booked an appointment with your massage therapist for a while she begins to get worried. It’s probably because you’re taking a quick Easter vacation across Europe. Your life is all planned out, you already have a job sorted after graduation. All that’s left to find is a husband. You will have two children before the age of thirty carefully planned around your career development.


It’s all in the name really. You’re a London boy who’s the understated underdog. You have a close group of friends and can often be spotted on dates across Newcastle’s coolest venues – The Botanist, Lane 7 and Turtle bay to name a few. You still haven’t found ‘the one’ because nobody really gets you. At first your polished exterior can be a little bit intimidating, but once people get to know you they quickly realise you’re the most loyal and dependable friend.

Long Island Iced Tea

You don’t fuck about. After close analysis of Revolution’s menu you have calculated that this is the best option in terms of price to alcohol ratio. You’re definitely fearless, and when that annoying girl barges into you in Swingers you’ll be quick to shout her down.

In reality, all your friends know you’re a big softy who will always have your back and knows exactly the right things to say when you’re feeling down.