Whoever said Winkers is the most tragic hometown club?

It’s currently winning The Tab’s most tragic hometown club competition, but Winkers nightclub is far from tragic.

It’s a mecca for the South Bucks social elite, a dive for those wanting to have a quality night out and a sanctuary to bond with your mates on dodgy double vodka cokes. These are the following reasons why Winkers nightclub in Chalfont St. Peter is better than your hometown nightclub, and why, if you haven’t already been, you should feel like you’re missing out.

The main d floor stage

Up in here

When you’re standing on the stage in the main dance floor, the ceiling suddenly becomes incredibly low. Despite the coating of ceiling-sweat you may experience on your spiked up hair that you spent ages getting just right, the low ceiling makes it more of an intimate club scene. That, and because you’re raised higher than everyone else, you’re able to see your mate at the bar asking if you want a five Jägerbombs or a cheapo bottle of wine.

It has a BBQ in the smoking area

It’s the most famed and renowned smoking area across South Bucks. And who says you shouldn’t have a burger hut right in the middle of a smoking area? It’s the best place for it. The joint provides damn good food and on occasion, people have been known to stay in the smoking area the whole night and only enter the club for a toilet stop. My friend Vicky once told me she ate a burger at Winkers and it was so good she cried. This kind of shit doesn’t happen in many places in the world. But it happens at Winkers.

Getting yourself a cheese, bacon and egg burger after three sweaty hours of dancing is the perfect gift to give to yourself. I look forward to one after a long term at uni. And its permanent marquee guards the smokers and non-smokers in the outside area from all the elements. Almost makes you feel like you’re in a garden party.

Feast your eyes

£7 bottles of wine (on a Thursday)

It’s the best value wine in a nightclub I’ve ever seen, and boy… Newcastle has good value drinks. I don’t have refined enough tastebuds to tell the difference between a Sauvignon Blanc and Winkers’ finest when I’m trollied. Cheap wine with my mates and some decent dodgy burgers is exactly how I like to spend my Thursday nights.

It’s been a celeb hangout since day one

It’s a destination for club appearances. For a low-key, hometown nightclub, Winkers has had the A-list of club appearance celebrities. In the past two years it’s hosted a lineup of Scotty T, Joey Essex, Gaz, Jess Wright, Dapper Laughs, Jamie Laing, Megan McKenna and Oliver Proudlock just to name a few. But celebrities don’t have to be paid to grace the farmhouse with their presence. Winkers is also a local nightclub for Richard from Made in Chelsea and Conor Maynard is also commonly seen at Winkers Thursdays. Bet your hometown club can’t boast of that.

I look scared, but really I’m loving it

It’s on a farm

No, seriously, the nightclub is on a farm. It’s full name is Winkers Farm. But you can’t go pet the animals because I’m not sure there are any there. The club is a converted farmhouse and the smoking area is presumably the converted garden. It’s like a house party with a bar. But I’ve never been able to work out how to get upstairs in Winkers. Then again, I probably don’t want to go up there.

There’s a free shuttle bus: The ‘Winkers Bus’

They’re desperate for you to come, so the managers offer a free Winkers Bus. It can usually be found lurking on a Thursday night round the Boot & Slipper pub to pick up some trade, but the fact it’s free begs the question: “Why would you not go?”.

To the rave cave

That Winkers vibe

Like a good cheese, Winkers has matured over the years. Also like a good cheese, this place has a certain scent. The pungent, penetrating smell of sweat hits you as soon as you walk in through the front door. It’s a throwback moment to when you took your first few baby steps into the farmhouse, and then you realise you’re home again. There may be some cringe club bangers that blare from the speakers of this particular hometown nightclub, but you know what? It makes it. The Macarena will be played at my funeral.

Winkers till I die

Everyone’s parents used to party at Winkers

It’s like an initiation to becoming a young adult in South Bucks. Previous generations of the dynasty have partied at Winkers so why shouldn’t you? The club’s been going for decades and whoever you’re having pres with, at least one person’s parents will have attended Winkers when they were younger. A friend’s Dad once told me when they used to go to Winkers, celebrities such as actor Lewis Collins used to go. I don’t know who Lewis Collins is either.

Hi mum

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