Living the dream: my 25 hours in the Robinson

It might be an academic’s wet dream, but it’s your average student’s nightmare. I spent not 24, but 25 hours in the Robinson – and it didn’t go smoothly.

0700: Fresh and raring to go, I eagerly claim my favourite computer and log on… straight to Facebook.

1100: Dinnertime, a few words have been written, but it’s ok – 22 hours until the deadline. Few bananas down the hatch, come at me.

1500: Progress made, but it’s off to Tesco. Nothing like a BLT, six sausage rolls and a packet of Kettle’s to wind up the person next to me.

TAB TOP TRICK: Putting a book over the ENTER key will stop you being logged off

1900: Back to Tesco for some more sausage rolls, bananas, some reduced sandwiches and knock-off Redbull. Passing the 12 hour mark I realise this is where the Robinson separates the men from the boys.

2200: People starting to leave, but shit, I’m just getting started.

0200: Only a few Sunday night soldiers are with us. Having drank a litre of energy drink I’m wired, and my bowels are bubbling and boiling like Mt. Vesuvius. Possibly a result of six sausage rolls and a tea that would make the local food bank look like a gastro bar.

So many people can’t hack a session

0300: Having managed a solid hour of ‘no Facebook work’ I decide to speak to a few other poor souls who are in this with me. After all there’s nothing like a good bit of procrastination to reward yourself.

Poignant? Or just plain pathetic?

Business student Ben was determined not to let his parents down, and brought a picture of his previous graduation to spur him on. I genuinely took pity on the poor bastard and left this soldier to fight the good fight.

“Degrees of freedom? What the fuck are they?!”

0400: I got back to work and managed another few hundred words, when the guy sat next to me announced he was going to take a nap and actually wanted me to wake him up in an hour. I happily obliged as long as he let me take his picture.

Sleeping in the library would’ve been a new low… but instead I was jealous

0500: Around this time, between sips of energy drink and more sausage rolls, a state of delirium began to take hold of me as I reached the promised word count. Somehow I ended up working out in the library, at 5am, with a bunch of German guys.

Dips, squats, press-ups… You name it, we did it.

0600: Nearing completion and referencing – it was a strange hour. With the deadline in 3 hours there can be no sleeping… so I keep going, because in this game we grind or we halt.

0700: The person who was sat next to me yesterday returns and is looking at me as if I’ve been here all night. I have.

0800: I am sweating, stinking, and my mouth feels like someone has taken an actual shit in it. The amount of crap I’ve eaten has left me unable to properly relieve myself and the world is going really fast.

Graph to show how much I wanted sleep, a toothbrush, and a pint of vodka at which time period

0832: The nightmare is over. I leave with only two words in my mind: Never. Again.

Side effects included, but were not limited to: Hallucinations, memory loss,  temporary decline of spatial awareness in the subject, and decreased appetite.

Had a more exciting experience in the Robinson? Let The Tab know in the comments below.