Six types of annoying student smoker

The toon’s worst types of toker.

| UPDATED

As the weather grows colder it’s becoming easy to separate the staunch addicts from the seasonal smokers. We identify some of the most suspect smokers on campus and tell you where to sniff them out…

The Social Smoker

Nothing beats a fag pout

Hates the taste, loves the fact blowing out smoke validates a pout.

Most likely to spark up: Bar Blanc

Brand: Vogue

The Novelty Smoker

This really is just a waste

Your strictly non-smoking housemate who thinks they’re being hilarious by drunkenly scabbing cigs off you (apparently it’s ironic or something). Going to get even less funny after the price of a 20 pack is set to rise to £8.50…yeah you read that right.

Most likely to spark up: At pre-drinks, while playing Joker Smoker and Snapchatting pictures of themselves, fag-in-mouth.

Brand: Doesn’t know the difference

The Pretentious Smoker

You’ll probably have a nose ring too

Loudly declares that they always start the day with black coffee and a cigarette (and two bowels of Crunchy Nut when no one’s looking.)

Most likely to spark up: After sex, as they stare out of the window hoping that their partner is looking at them wistfully and thinking “will I ever really know you?”

Brand: Rollies, obviously

The Reformed Smoker

Me and my gal, back in the baccy days

Recognised by condescending comments such as ‘I remember when I used to smoke…’

Most likely to spark up: Wherever and Whenever they get the chance… approaching essay deadline, relationship trouble, after a drink – you name it, they’re not picky

Brand: e-cigarettes in public, anything they can get in private

The Herbal Smoker

About to smoke a phat wan

Always pon de herb… and no, we’re not talking about tobacco. Their bedroom smells like Bob Marley’s birthday party.

Most likely to spark up: after a hard day playing for FC Twente Bag

Brand: Golden Virginia baccy – mild to the taste and easily moulded

The Hardcore Addict

One ciggie at a time? You must be joking

Although they’re relatively few and far between these days due to all the anti-smoking malarky, a few genuine smokers can still be found huddled outside the Robinson Library, prepared to risk the £30 ‘no smoking on campus’ fine for that temporary nicotine fix.

Most likely to spark up: Everywhere, they’re desperate

Brand: Marlborough Red, bulk bought for cheap off a foreign student whom they befriended specifically for that purpose