It’s official: Southerners dominate Newcastle University

“ARABELLA, ARABELLA”, you might hear as you walk through Newcastle Uni’s campus of an afternoon, “HAVE YOU FACKING SEEN THE TIME? WE’RE FACKING LATE FOR LACROSSE.”

It seems that Newcastle isn’t the only university which is suffering from an outbreak of chronic southerner. According to a study released by the Higher Education Funding Council for England (Hefce), young people from London are 36% more likely to attend a university now than they were in the late 1990s.

And the same bunch of Londoners are 46% more likely to study at a university than those of a similar age in the north-east.

But why does England’s northernmost university city attract so many of them? Do they think they’re being really Bohemian coming to Newcastle to ‘slum it’ for a few years, before they return back to their grand estate in Surrey? Or do they just want cheap trebs?

Third year English literature student, Annelies de Jong, from Notting Hill, said: “I came up to Newcastle because I wanted to meet more diverse people rather than the same kind of people from home – ironic since a lot of my friends here are from London”.

The constituency of Sheffield Hallam in South Yorkshire is the only area not in or around the M25 to make the top 10 for participation, with 63% of its young people in further education.

When asked why Newcastle is such a southern haunt, marketing student Jack Price, from West Yorkshire, said: “It’s because they are fed up of the south and realise that the north is truly the only place that can provide them with the peace and tranquillity that their damaged souls desire, through the cheery and friendly lads and lasses that live here and the cheaper cost of living.

“For me, the more the merrier. As long as they admit the north is better. Viva la north.”