8 types of drunken idiots

The Tab investigates to find the worst types of drunken people.

1) Top shagger

With a bottle of wine in her system, this girl just can’t keep her knickers on. She has  a bucket bigger than they sell at KFC and
can often be found walking down Oz Road in the early hours of the morning, heels in hand.

2) The confessor

The confessor can’t keep a secret. Whether it’s declaring their love for everyone,  “OH MY GOD, YOU’RE IN MY SEMINAR. I LOVE YOU!!” or feeling that the world needs to know about their housemate’s latest hookup, this individual certainly has the gift of the gab.

3) The psycho ex

Often spotted lurking in a corner with a psychotic look in their eyes, the stalker ex or bunny boiler is not one to cross on a night out. Thousands of missed calls, suspicious “I miss you” texts and a lot of cock blocking are all special talents executed perfectly by the one that (luckily) got away.

4) The emotional wreck

Whether they have lost a friend, can’t get into Basement, or find out that McDonalds have run out of chicken nuggets, this person will always find a way to spend the majority of their night sobbing inconsolably. The slightest thing will tip them over the edge in this sorry state

5) Mr money bags

You want a shot? You want a shot? EVERYONE gets a shot! This big spender isn’t afraid to flash the cash – whether they’ve got it or not. A bank statement the next morning is this persons arch nemesis. Mr Money Bags is often very loud and ostentatious, a man potentially over compensating for his lack in other departments.

6) The unstoppable

YOLO is the unstoppable’s favourite phrase. Considering himself as a bit of a Lad, this one just cant stay no.  He’s been skinny dipping in Leazes lake, woken up on a roundabout and probably had sex on top of the Students’ Union. LAD LAD LAD.

7) The WOO girl

This girls vocab is limited to high pitch squeals and the generic “wooo” sound. “This is my song” followed by another “wooo” is part of the woo girls basic club ritual. One too many trebs and the woo girl starts her mating call of pulling up her top and flashing her bra. The woo girl is one not to miss on a night out.

8) The Regressor

The one that reverts back to their childhood ways by waking up in a pool of their own piss. This kid can’t get enough of the bottle! Known to be sick on themselves frequently The Regressor often needs some form of carer to get them back home safely.