The Perils of House hunting
The Tab’s guide to finding that glorious house in Jesmond.
December has begun, it’s that time again: the house hunt. For freshers, all sorts of problems arise.
Questions such as “what halls are you in?” and “what A-Levels did you do?” are replaced by the equally boring and inane “how many people are you living with?” and “are you living in Jesmond?” type questions (tip: neither are particularly good chat-up lines).
‘Location, location, location’, the only suitable location being Jesmond. Osborne Road, often described as the ‘Kings Road of Newcastle’, is prime real estate in Jesmond.
As the popular phrase goes: “As if anyone doesn’t live in Jesmond”.
You might ask yourself whether it would really be that bad to live in Heaton to save money. It would, don’t listen to these people.
Who to live with
The foray into the housing market comes with the challenge of choosing who to live with. Although friends have been made, it’s still early doors, and nobody knows whether cooler friends might be made later.
This conundrum is similar to deciding whether to go home with someone you met in a club, or to hold out in hope that a more attractive partner may emerge.
Inevitably though once you have settled for the friends, there are bound to be people left out. Hushed conversations about how to tell them occur, normally concluding with “shotgun not telling them” and deciding to just bite the bullet and live with them to avoid the awkward conversation. However, the kindest thing is to tell them soon enough. The bad news is there is no easy way to say: “I don’t know you very well, but I do know I dislike you”.
Of course, never live in a mixed house. Your every day routine will be severely hindered attempting to impress the opposite sex with your cleanliness for example.
People who think their degree is relevant to renting the house
Anyone doing a degree, suddenly becomes an expert in their field regarding property. Law undergraduates become skilled practitioners in property contract law; reading through the contract attempting to find loopholes.
Inevitably nothing useful is found. Those doing economics weigh in with views on falling house prices, and the value of equity in property.
Again completely useless, as the houses are being rented and the estate agents won’t allow haggling on the price. Those doing agriculture suggest plans for the garden, such as keeping pigs as they are fairly tasty, and take up almost no space.
Although this is true, there are disadvantages to keeping pigs; the main one being that there is a pig in the garden. Hosting social events is largely ruled out as is any chance of getting on well with your new neighbours.
So good luck to all freshers, something bad will happen but just take it in your stride and don’t be one of those moaning housemates.