Words of Wisdom pt. II

You’ve left home, you’ve moved up north, fresher’s week is over. Now what? You need to get 40% and minimal contact hours, you’ve got plenty of time to learn these lessons, but we thought we’d help you out because your time can be much better spent drinking, sleeping, partying and slutting around.

Take heed:

• Learn which treble mixture has the delicate balance of low calorie levels , as well as overpowering the taste of vodka No, Diet coke does not work
• Walks of shames are not dignifying for a woman, you don’t want that reputation. Perfect the RUN of shame. Sprint home, and you’ll be too quick for anyone to see your face.
• Forget freshers, it’s all about the Jesmond boys. They have big double beds and may even cook you a roast on the weekend…
• Be versataile: learn to adapt last night’s outfit for lectures
• Don’t be afraid of Newcastle’s unique and unknown clothes shops. Gems can be found at extremely low prices…
• Join the Gym, purely to scout out your next target
• Befriend a loo lady at atleast one club. A free chupa chup always goes down a treat
• If you don’t remember it, it means it never happened
• Be money savvy – eating is cheating
• Dry shampoo is your best friend. Stock up.
• Don’t make a big effort with your appearance at the beginning, from there you can only improve…
• All those nice heels you brought with you? Chuck them. You will not wear them
• Following on from number 12. Invest in some denim shorts and some ankle boots. This is what you will wear for the next three years
• Only wash your sexiest underwear in Halls washing machines… you don’t want others seeing the truth….
• Try to make yourself like the Geordie male dress sense. It may be difficult, but it opens up your options. Remember, high leather lace up boots ARE sexy
• Northumbria boys are less intelligent, use this to your advantage
• Find a friend whose sluttier than you, this will always make you feel better about your own actions
• Being a shot girl isn’t cool. Nor does it mean you are really fit.
• You must strive to have a bigger collage of photos on your wall than all your friends
• Keep dettol handy near your sink, for those times the bathroom is too far away
• If you make friends with the local off license, they will do deliveries
• Making friends with the halls receptionist will relieve the awkwardness of signing in late night guest
• It is possible to make your free breakfast last until dinner
• You are called whatever name is necessary when trying to get in a taxi, even try Dave.
• Your closest sexual health clinic is the Newcroft centre, Market St Newcastle upon Tyne NE1 6ND phone: 0191 229 2999