@hometown

Watty you may be grotty but we love you

Just don’t wear Nike trainers to Ocies

There’s no club like Spiders, my grim hometown club

It sells toast, has a 20p cloakroom and prides itself on having an anti-dance policy

Ealing is the most underrated borough in London

I mean, our McDonald’s has iPads installed in the tables

Newcastle is the most entertaining city to live in

We’re the funnest night out by far

Bolton is a shithole, but it’s our shithole

Just stay away from pubs at closing time