Here’s everything you should know about Manchester Uni before Freshers’ Week

How to be a Manny student 101

Whilst coronavirus has obliterated the chance of a normal Freshers’ (sorry newcomers, the truth hurts), there is a still a Manchester Freshers’ etiquette which one should abide by or at least begin to learn, once one has stepped into the cavernous Oak House (or Unsworth if you’re a gap yah from Surrey – and no that does not count as London).

So, here are a few things which would have been handy for me to know as a Manny Fresher (and things which will become blindingly obvious as your time in Fallow passes)…

1. Don’t say you’re from London if you’re actually from Surrey

Already mentioned above, which should stress the importance. They are geographically different places despite the students they produce being of similar gap yah tier. There’s already a strong North and South divide Surryers, you don’t want Londoners turning against you too.

2. Get PayPal

Because who actually still uses bank transfer (you’d be surprised), we’re in 2020 not the stone ages. If you don’t have PayPal you’ll never get the money back, simple as.

3. Your music taste will be forensically examined

And no, Hybrid Minds is not edgy – it may be in the village, but in Manchester it is the air most students breathe.

4. Freshers’ week is not the be all and end all

There’s a lot of pressure, a lot of hype, but do not worry if it wasn’t the best, most drunken or messiest week of your life where you made your bestest friends ever, because you have a whole three years to figure it all out (and repeat freshers week 10 times over).

The drama continues to get more and more exciting as the year goes on – you will have great stories to tell from not just first but all the uni years.

5. Off-License New Zealand Wines does two bottles of wine for a fiver

Spoons is great but here’s the true deal. Nothing more to be said really, you’re not a true Manny student if you don’t make good use of this information.

6. The odd Factory and Fifth night out are jokes, but don’t make it a regular habit

Factory and Fifth snobs will hate this one, but hey, they may be known by students as the “least favourite” clubs in Manchester but they provide a guaranteed good laugh. If you ever feel sad, there’s nothing like a good High School Musical scream-a-long in Fifth with your two closest.

However don’t get addicted; Hidden, Mint Lounge and many more clubs offer a more refined music selection which you’ll get less shit for.

7. Shit where you eat, it can work (don’t listen to the haters)

You will constantly hear and be warned to not “sh*t where you eat” a.k.a inter-flat promiscuity. However, I have lived to tell the tale and am in a very happy relationship, so don’t let the know-it-alls boss you around (also with old COVID-19 still around you may not have much choice anymore).

8. Fallow students: Your life will revolve around Squirrels

Pints for two quid, doubles for little more. It may be unappealing in it’s squash court aesthetic but mark my words you will practically be living there.

Word of warning – although a pint in a glass does taste better than in plastic (you may be at uni but Squirrel’s turns you into a toddler), careful how you transfer.

9. If you fall asleep, prepare to become a human buckaroo

The joke never gets old and normally ends in someone’s face being hoovered – you’ve been warned.


Don’t be the d*ck who makes everyone do their washing up because the mould gets unbearable, or the one who causes an onslaught of mice, rats or slugs (yes, onslaughts of slugs have been known to invade Fallow student houses).

11. The Nest (a.k.a Cubo) is a sweaty, but popular partying pit

You can crawl to and from it within minutes and it pulls off the odd banging night. You come out looking like you’ve had a full on shower, but that’s just another sign of a good night?

12. Beware of AU nights

The horniest of the sports clubs attend, all sorts of promiscuity is known to go down, sometimes not even making it to the toilets (don’t get too close to the bar tops). Go if you dare.

13. Your whole loan will go to Chesters (they really should do loyalty cards)

FYI remember to brush your teeth after eating the red salted fries, unless you want to wake up with an extra red salt layer to your tongue (mmm yummy).

14. No one wants to hear about your Gap Yahhhhh

We get it, you either went to South East Asiaaaa or South America instead: You found yourself, it was amazing blah de blah – enough said.

15. Do not miss out on Parklife

It will always rain no matter what the forecast may say, but it will be one of your fondest memories looking back and who doesn’t love a festival where you can still crawl into an actual bed after each day of sesh?

Related reading recommended by this writer:

Sixth formers left ‘devastated’ after Manchester Uni sends them offers in ‘error’

Outdoor drinking is now banned in Manchester as lockdown tightens

‘He rang his mum’: Fallow students share their worst experiences on a date