Your ultimate guide to dressing for Antwerp Mansion: The home of wavy garms

Our favourite graffiti covered Victorian Gothic mansion is closing in just over three weeks, and FSG is ripe with Antwerp virgins scrambling for tickets. But it’s not a proper night out in Fallowfield if you haven’t got the wavy garms to match. If you’re looking for a guide on how to hide your Southern privilege and inexperience with urban raves over the next few weeks, this is the article for you.

Wear shoes you don’t care about

Your first steps into Antwerp Mansion will get you so caked in mud you’ll start to wonder if you ever had skin that wasn’t covered in grey sludge in the first place. Invest in a cheap pair of off-brand Converse or sacrifice last season’s Vans and prepare for them to never be white again. Chances are, you’re either going to be on your feet or clinging to the tree in the smoking area in a K-Hole wishing the world would stop spinning. Either way, you’ll need some comfy shoes that can get wrecked.

Get glitzy

You can never have too much glitter for a night out. Anyone who disagrees needs to be fed to the sharks. If your face doesn’t look like the aftermath of rubbing yourself in Vaseline and diving into a six-year-old’s birthday party that got caught in a tornado, there’s not enough. You can buy eco-friendly biodegradable glitter than doesn’t kill the seals here.

Anything ‘90s

It’s Fallowfield, and if you don’t hide your second-home-in-Cyprus-and-trust-fund lifestyle like it’s an old bag of lard, well then, you’re a fool, Brendan. Leave the Prada on the 142 and whack on a classic ‘90s style windbreaker. It’s not providing you with insulation nor protection from the rain – but you look good, right?!!??! Layer it over mum jeans and a halter neck for the ultimate Fallow look.

Accessorise, the weirder the better

I’ve seen people running around the halls with inflatable rubber rings on. Anything goes in Antwerp, as long as it’s weird, it’s good. If you want everyone to know you do drugs, get tinted sunglasses and a lollipop. If you’re just not into that, do not fear! Funky belts, fishnets under jeans, Ralph Lauren caps you spent a sizeable percentage of your maintenance loan on, socks with Louis Theroux’s face on.

Second hand sports gear

Haven’t gone outside for a run since Freshers' Week? It doesn’t matter. You don’t need to live for the gym like your weird flatmate Greg does. The cheapest old Adidas sweatshirt off Depop will convince the Antwerp veterans you are One of Their People and you’ll get welcomed into the swamp with open arms.