All the things you’re probably doing to avoid your dissertation

You’re doing it right now, aren’t you?

We would all rather be doing literally anything right now. So that’s what we’re doing. Literally. Anything. Here are a few  examples of time wasting shite that I like to call, prodisstination:

Applying for jobs and working on your CV

This sounds productive. It’s not. You’re looking at jobs you don’t even want. Your CV font is the least important thing in your life right now. Just fucking leave it.

Painting your nails

Your nails are perfectly filed and your French manny is on point. At this stage you begin contemplating whether you should have done a beauty course instead of this blasted English Literature degree.

No one’s even gonna see this

Drinking tea

So much fucking tea. You also need to piss a lot which is a great time waster when you need a break from pretending to write your dissertation.

Put the kettle on. Again.

Baking cakes

Cupcakes, Victoria sponge, flapjacks, shortbread, you name it, we’d rather bake it than study. It makes you popular among your peers, but beware of the dissertation time weight gains.

Going for a run

You made too many cakes, didn’t you? Time to dig out those dusty old running shoes. Running is horrible, but it’s a hell of a lot better than writing your dissertation.

Tidying your room

Organising is fun when you have better things to be doing. You begin folding all of your clothes and arranging your bookshelf into alphabetical order. This will make finding your dissertation books all the easier when you come round to actually doing it.

Because my GCSE notes really needed sorting

Making your room messy again by trying all of your clothes on

Oh look, the dress you wore to your year 11 prom. Can you still fit in it? LET’S FIND OUT.

Doing your make up for practice and taking it off again

You’re going to a party in two weeks, you should practice how you’re going to do your make up. You watch seven Youtube tutorials and realise that beauty standards are totally unrealistic, so you take it all off and decide that you’re beautiful just the way you are.

Reading anything but what you’re meant to be reading

I have always been tempted by War and Peace, perhaps now is the time to give it a go? Or maybe an old favourite… I’m sure I can link Harry Potter to my dissertation somehow.

Yes, Dumbledore, I quite agree

Taking selfies with anything

Perhaps the nice new make up you’ve practiced? A nice body shot of your year 11 prom dress that definitely doesn’t still fit? If you’re at home, I’m sure your dogs would love to play with Snapchat filters with you.

Two little woofers

Going on really long dog walks

The weather is beautiful, you both need the exercise, what is there to lose? “Your disser-” NOPE nothing to lose at all.

Taking more pictures of your dogs

Keep still, darling, you’re doing great.

GUYS would you please sit still and pretend you’re enjoying this

Online shopping

Why not ruin your degree and your bank balance? Two birds, one stone and all that.

I need it

Reading Tab articles

You’re doing right now, I know you’re doing it.

Writing Tab articles

Okay, I’m doing it too. But only so you can read it.

Complaining on social media about how much work you’re doing for your dissertation

“This diss is so hard I can’t see the end.”

“OMG babe don’t. I swear it should be illegal to have to write this much.”

“I’m just working so hard why isn’t my word count getting any bigger?”

Aren’t we all, love.