Literally what would we do without Fallowfield Sainsbury’s?

What would we do without Fallowfield’s Sainsburys? Do our weekly shop in New Zealand Wines? Piss away our student loans in Tesco Express? I don’t think so.

You’ll have to resist the takeaways on the way there

The trip to Sainsbury’s isn’t for the faint hearted. You’ve got a vague shopping list in your head and some scrunched up carrier bags in your pocket. Once you’ve bravely resisted the calling of all the various takeaways and bars on Moseley Road (I don’t want to cook, maybe I could just pop into Kebab King?) you’re greeted by the group of homeless guys who’re always hanging out by the door.

You will bump into every single person you’ve ever met

Once inside you will literally see every single person you’ve ever met in Manchester. The guy you snogged who looked way better with your beer gogs on? Yep. The girl you always see in lectures but never talk to? Yep.  The magicbus driver who got really arsey with you when you had no change? Shaun Ryder and the entirety of Happy Mondays? Liam and Noel Gallagher? Yes again.

Basics voddy anyone?

You’ve never been so greatful for basics 

Intending to go in for just a few ingredients for dinner inevitably results in a giant basket full of crap that you don’t really need, most of this will be things you definitely can’t afford that you’ll have to swap out for Sainsbury’s basics.

Brands are for basic bitches

You’ll buy too much fruit and veg and it will go mouldy

You’ll probably buy some fruit and veg in the vain attempt to be healthy which will sit in the kitchen growing mould once unpacked.

IT IS SO BIG

Once inside you’ll struggle to find everything (why are the refrigerated and frozen aisles so far away?) and on top of that, you’ll have to weave in and out of at least one group of lads poring over the booze aisle deciding what to sesh on, or a flock of hipsters deciphering whether Supernoodles are vegan (they’re not, by the way.)

At least 50p right there

You’ll never remember to bring a bag

You eventually get to the checkout and realise you’ve forgotten to bring a carrier bag and end up paying 5p for another Sainsbury’s bag to add to your collection at home.

When will they have contactless?

You also try and pay with contactless before remembering that Sainos is still stuck in the dark ages and you can only use chip and pin.

After struggling home with your bags you’ll unpack everything you bought before realising you actually didn’t buy anything you needed.