Everything that will happen on a night out at Antwerp Mansion

Just don’t be the one that goes too hard


It’s the best night out without going into town and it’s always a messy one. You can make it monumentally big if you’re favourite grime DJ is making an appearance and you’ve paid £20 for a ticket, but even if it’s a regular club night you can get the gang together and boogy to some funk. It’s our grungy guilty pleasure on the doorstep.

You’ll have to buy a ticket two weeks in advance

You’ve been desperate to see Bondax play for ages but you know that the tickets are going to fly of the proverbial Skiddle shelves. So you get your squad together, you say, “guys, big sesh at Antwerp. Get your tickets sorted this is happening.” And so, it happens.

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Debate whether to get the bus or walk

You live in Fallowfield or Withington, obviously, so you could walk. But it’s raining, obviously. You’re all up for getting the bus, but your housemate who cycles is having a strop because she doesn’t have a bus pass and the Magic Bus is £2.50 after midnight. You probably end up getting it anyway and sitting at the back causing mayhem, you absolute legends.

You’ll stand in the alleyway between Barfia and Ambala chugging the last of your pres

The landmarks that let you know you’ve reached the point of the bewildering Curry Mile. You stop in the grungy alleyway that smells of piss and you neck the last of your New Zealand wine before you get in the queue. You feel sick at this point, the wine was not of the best quality.

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You’ll panic about missing last entry and be the first people in the club

This tends to happen with a big group, you really don’t want to have to queue for hours and then miss last enty so you turn up at 11pm and realise you’ve made a terrible mistake. However, you are able to get some toilet time before it gets too disgusting and you can grab a Red Stripe or Strongbow Dark Fruit without too much hassle.

You’ll hold a warm can of Red Stripe all night

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It’s flat and warm but you don’t want to be empty handed. You don’t want to risk a dry mouth when you’re skanking away by the speakers far from the bar.

Trying to sneak your drink into the smoking area

The bouncer knows you’re trying to sneak a can out, he can see it in your eyes. He’s already sent you back in with it twice but this time you’ve opted for something a bit more sneaky than holding it behind your back. You feel smug when you pull your Red Stripe out of your pants and sit down to roll a cig.

You’ll spend most of the night in the smoking area

You will smoke a lot of rollies and get really cold.

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Making new friends

You bump into that girl from your course that you’ve never actually spoken to but you think she’s fit and dig that jacket she was wearing in the lecture last week. You tell her this, and then you spend all night discussing undeveloped exisitential concepts, add each other on Facebook and then never speak again.

You queue far too long for the toilets

There isn’t really a queueing system, it’s more of a sweaty huddle. You stand there for half an hour and then squeeze into a cubicle with your mate. There’s no loo roll and you drop your jacket on the floor which has a carpet of piss.

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You’ll consider weeing outside

For the boys this is no problem, no one cares if boys wee outside. The girls of the group will always look at the toilet queue and consider a cold bottomed wee outside. You decide your dignity is worth more than your time and wait it out, most of the time.

You will see someone wearing sunglasses

They look like a twat and want everyone to know they’re on drugs.

Dancing on the raised platforms at the side

You get your groove on with plenty of space and feel like a VIP grunge princess.

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You get really, really sweaty

The new air con has improved things but we’re still damp.

You look after your mate who went too hard

They’d worked hard all week and you all wanted them to let their hair down and have fun, they deserve it. But you keep their drink topped up at pres and pay the price when you’re propping them up on the speakers and carrying them home.

You have a heart to heart with your housemates

“I love you guys so much. Uni literally wouldn’t be the same without you. You are like the only people I feel like I can really talk to you know. Let’s stay best friends forever.”

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The after-sesh

You ask around to find out where afters will be, if it looks bleak you announce, “come back to ours?” Then you end up with 20 people in your house that you’ve never met, the sun’s coming up and you’ve made a rogue decision. But it was a decent night.